I'd like to ask a few questions of the people who are in the UK married to Egyptian men. Here goes:
What is your religion and what is his? If he is muslim, is he strict muslim? and are you strongly religous?
Did you convert to Islam to marry? (not that this is something I'd do, but I'd like to hear others opinions on it)
The reason I ask is that my partner is from a strict muslim family who live in a very small village. No one tends to move in or out and I have been the first English person ever to visit their village or that they have ever met.
His family at this point don't know that we intend to marry as he is worried that when he tells them, they will say no because I am not muslim. I fully respect their religion and believe in a lot of the things that I already know but I'm not a particularly religious person.
I have visited his family and stayed at his house with his family twice (just as friends)and they know that I have married before. I talk to them when I ring him and he is with them (well, as much as we can with the language barrier!)and we all miss each other very much, but I worry when they find out we intend to marry they will try and end the relationship.
He has said that to him it doesn't matter of my religion and if I don't want to convert then this is ok. But he worries too much about his family.
Also, I would like to learn more about Islam and have my own opinion on it. If I were ever to convert, it would be for me and not just to keep a relationship. But a lot of the places I search just seem to be the bad things or so complicated I can't start to understand it all. Can you recommend any websites where I can a true picture of Islam.
So many questions in one post! Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
Just do what a lot of westerners who marry Egyptians and follow no faith do... either hold your ground and be proud of your beliefs or lie and convert just to please his family and keep them off your back.
If you do convert to Islam that is all well and good but it already looks like you are only considering it to please others.
Just my view Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Thanks Cheekyferret, this is my point though I don't want to do it to please others because then what is the point? If you convert because of someone else then you can't be a good muslim so it is pointless.
One of the main things that I can't get my head round is the covering of the hair. I don't have a problem with dressing fairly modestly, but I don't really understand the hair thing. When I visit mosques in Cairo and I have to cover my hair, I find it quite uncomfortable, especially when it's hot as I'm used to the UK temps! But is this more a culture or religion thing? At the moment when I visit his village I don't cover my hair (I do cover my body though) but I think if we were to marry then this would be different.
It's all about give and take and I'd quite happily do this when visiting his village just as he will have to adapt to so many things when he comes to the UK, I think more difficult things for him as the UK is so different to anything he has known.
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
Like I said though, you don't have to be a Muslim, just be a Muslim on paper. Whether you suck or not at it is irrelevant... as long as his Mummy is happy
I know Egyptian Muslims who don't cover their hair... but as you will soon see there will be a debate about which Muslim is right or wrong in how the Quran is interpreted re this!
Personally, I could never even bother myself with all that to please one man and his family, they either love me and take me for all that I am or they can kiss my lily white ass.
I am not knocking you, just trying to give a non religious perspective on a seriously dominated religious board! I get away from religion on here and go walking in Cairo, it is way more relaxed Posted by *Dalia* (Member # 13012) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sponge: At the moment when I visit his village I don't cover my hair (I do cover my body though) but I think if we were to marry then this would be different.
Why?
quote:Originally posted by Sponge: He has said that to him it doesn't matter of my religion and if I don't want to convert then this is ok. But he worries too much about his family.
I might be a cynic, but for me this would be a big red warning flag. Unless your man is of an exceptionally strong and independent mindset, his family/conservative background are very likely to become a major problem.
Posted by Sashyra8 (Member # 14488) on :
quote:Originally posted by *Dalia*:
quote:Originally posted by Sponge: At the moment when I visit his village I don't cover my hair (I do cover my body though) but I think if we were to marry then this would be different.
Why?
quote:Originally posted by Sponge: He has said that to him it doesn't matter of my religion and if I don't want to convert then this is ok. But he worries too much about his family.
I might be a cynic, but for me this would be a big red warning flag. Unless your man is of an exceptionally strong and independent mindset, his family/conservative background are very likely to become a major problem.
Totally agree with specially Dalia´s last paragraph.Family is an extremely tight and influential bond in Egypt,and its almost 99% certain that if his family disagrees,or doesnt want you as his wife,he will ever marry you no matter what.
Better sound cynic but honest than lie just for the sake of sounding nicey nice,Dalia.
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
Family isn't so influential imo in higher class families, major cities and younger people. Just my view of what I see around me. More and more folk are travelling abroad for work and to make families. Like I say, imo.
Posted by weirdkitty (Member # 15365) on :
I'm atheist and hubby is Muslim. Our flat in Egypt is in a very conservative area, but I don't cover my hair (once or twice perhaps but simply because I think it can look nice). I think his family think I'm Christian, but considering I have "atheist" on my FB, and have his brothers and sister on there, it's the worst kept secret lol. If you want to learn about Islam, don't go to any site, just read the Quran, start to finish. I did and I know it is not for me at all, but it was useful to understand my husband more.
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
Good advice WK.
Also, re the family thing watch how many blokes don't give a damn about their birth kids but use the 'famnily' tale regularly as an excuse noit to man up to their mothers. The longer I live here the more I see dudes who smoke, drink and act all tough till mommy calls and it isn't respect, it is fear they will be kicked out and tild to fend for themselves.
Am not saying this is across the board but I am saying Egypt is not as mundane and as run of the mill folk will have you believe.
I met a muslim once who vowed if I dated him he would cheat on me, I asked him if this was because he was muslim and disrespected me, he told me 'no, it is because I am a man' lmao... Gotta love the honesty!!!
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
Apologies for spelling and typos... gotta love typing in a car Posted by adelly (Member # 14574) on :
Im an american married to an egyptian. I am muslim, but i converted to islam in usa. If u plan to convert, it should be for yourself because you want to.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by weirdkitty: I think his family think I'm Christian
I suppose that's an idea, I could just tell them I'd converted?!
Joke!!
But yes, you are all right. As I have said in other threads, it's eary days and we have spoken about marriage, children etc but I still want to be sure before any of this happens, and if I feel that his family will want to 'rule' our relationship then obviously that would be a problem. Certainly because I'm too strongminded to be ruled by anyone!!
I just think you should know everything about someone before you marry them, and that includes their beliefs and cultures.
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
His parents don't even know you are planning to marry yet? You would have thought with so much respect in Egypt towards parents he would have told them by now.
Perhaps he is waiting for you to convert... no pressure
Dalia made a valid point, why do you think the covering aspect would change after marriage?
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
I think that it's about showing his family once we marry that I respect their culture/religion.
It's a complicated story really because the first time I visited him and his family I was still married and my husband and I had huge problems when we were there. My husband was a very controlling and jealous man and he thought that us being in Egypt was part of our marital problems and accused me of wanting to be with any man that I spoke to over there, including my now partner. This is something he did wherever we were, never mind Egypt. I have to add that my partner was NOTHING at all to do with my marriage breakdown.
My ex made it very clear at the time that he felt this and it was quite an awkward holiday where the family were a bit oblivious but my now partner felt so bad as he felt my husband blamed him/his friends/his family (he did, and to his face too). In reality my ex just liked to blame anyone but himself for his own failings. But that is another story.
His parents obviously now know that me and my ex are not together but we want to wait to tell them that we are together as we don't want them to think that something was going on before me and my ex split or that I have just flitted from one man to the other. Our relationship has grown from friendship over time. I plan to visit him later in the year and we will tell them then.
I can feel I'm going to get a total slating from people now so I'll brace myself.
Posted by marydot (Member # 15932) on :
Please don't convert to Islam just to please him and or his family.That would be a false mistake.
Religion is not going to change your situation, he has not told his parents yet, thats the important part.
He should tell them as soon as possible.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Thanks Marydot, and thanks for not judging again.
Because I have been married 'and' he knew me when I was married 'and' he is younger 'and' he is Egyptian 'and' 'and' 'and' I constantly feel like people will just put me in the stupid sucker category that I've read so much about.
And I shouldn't have to justify my relationship but you can't help but feel you do.
and you're right, I want his family to know as soon as possible but I would like to be there when he tells them so they know we're serious.
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
I am not going to slate you. It's not my business. I can offer my thoughts though and what you choose to make of them is up to you
If I were in your shoes I would be wanting to know why his family were not aware of any impending marriage. I think personally that is where respect for me would commence.
And also, why would anyone cover etc to respect others cultures or beliefs, I would be suggesting they respect my cultures and beliefs and back the hell off.
Give, take... compromise. I respect you, you respect me. Khalas.
I am quite sure that in the Western culture you can understand that holding info or lying to family is not really a good idea. I would never not tell my mom if I were to marry!
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
And as for converting and not meaning it, I didn't say it was moral... but it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
Keep it real folks
Look at all the western dudes with Egyptian teen brides who are supping beer in bars and gambling and having the odd spliff... you think they have Islam in their hearts? No, they got fit wives in their beds and a piece of paper making it legit.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
I'm not saying we would marry without telling them, it was just because of our situation that we wanted the time to be right. We're not planning on marrying anytime soon and we'd want them and my family to be involved.
I can see all your points Cheekyferret and I know what you're trying to say. Thanks Posted by Life is a journey (Member # 17655) on :
I have a daughter from a previous relationship and was married. His family have accecpted this, and treat my daughter like their grand daughter. His family let us stay together in a room alone after only knowing each other 4 months !!
There has never been any secrets between my hubby and his family, they were a little upset that we had not married sooner,and had a baby sooner lol however i would not marry a guy in the uk after knowing him such a short time, so why do it just because he lived in Egypt? We married after being together two years, his father signed our wedding certifcate, and his family came to the wedding reception. I am sure his family would have loved ofr their son to marry a lovely muslim Egyptian girl, not a foreigner with a child, who has been married before. However they have accepted it, and are very open minded.
Im christian but cant remember last time I went to church think it was when my daughter did a christmas nativity when she was at nursery, next time will be with A to attend my brothers wedding. My husband is muslim but not strict the only thing he does not do is eat pork,although i eat it in front of him.
I NEVER covered my head, nor do i intend to , and he or his family have never asked me to. I dont really cover up in Cairo i wear what i would in the uk top and jeans or 3/4.
Our daughter will choose her religion and be taught about both. She will attend a C of E school as there the only schools round where i live, not down to religion.
The only time me and my husband and his family actually them vs me was wen we talk about the Royal family, and that being Diane was murdered in france because of her relationship with an egyptian muslim man Dodie, i say no it was a terrible accident, they fume pmsl ( also they hate camilla)
You both need to respect each others belief and culture because if u dont, ur relationship wont last.x
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Yes you're completely right LIAJ, we have only really been in this relationship for maybe 6months and I'm not going to rush into anything just to get him across here (although I do wish flights to Cairo were cheaper!!)
And yes, we do need to respect each others beliefs and cultures. I think the only reason I struggle with it is that I've always been fairly easy going with beliefs and I don't really think I have a 'culture' a such over here. He has far stronger beliefs in his religion/culture etc. I think the only thing he doesn't do all the time is pray 5 times a day. Apart from that he's a fairly strict muslim (although I don't know everything about the religion!) But yes, that doesn't mean I should bend over backwards and change myself or do things I don't want to do.
I've never had a long distance relationship, and not seeing someone for six months is horrendous (I have another five months to wait... it's only been 5wks since I saw him and it feels like a lifetime!) but I can't let that cloud my judgement on the relationship and think that I'll do anything to be with him. I'm sure that if we keep talking and respect each others feelings then we'll get there in the end. If not then it'll have been nice while it lasted. I'm old enough to know there are no guarantees in life.
Posted by young at heart (Member # 10365) on :
I am Christian but I have to say I am not deeply religious. Hubby and his family are Muslim but not overly devout. I hear stories of men who look to their wives to change after they marry but I have to say nothing has changed since I married. I would not have reverted and he would not ever have expected me to. I am completely accepted the way I am. I don't dress in an inapropriate way anyway. A long distance relationship is very hard going I know as others here can confirm but if a relationship is worth it you will cope. Not rushing into things is the one thing I would advocate.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
I am Muslim but don't live in UK anymore coz I'm here but I will stick my piece in anyway.
I converted for me 2 years before I met my hubby so I was covered when we met. I met th family the day after I met him.
As cheeky said you could convert on paper to keep them happy, but that's not a good idea for reasons stated and best to do it for YOU.
Also agree with WK, skip the websites and read Quran but the ONLY one I would recommend to you for now is the Penguin Classics 'Koran' translated by NJ Dawood, short paperback, no 'comments from Hadith' and no Arabic.
Covering hair is NOT in Quran. You will cover your hair in a mosque as you will also here in a Coptic church if you were in there praying.
I fully agree with Dalia and TL. From the sounds of it he is not as 'modern' as the Egyptians in Cairo and the family 'could' be a huge problem for you. Family is law here, he has to be quite strong to go his way if it's against family. This can become more of a problem with those not used to foreigners, which those in Cairo are, not in his village though. I think if you're not planning on marrying yet then he needs to tell his family asap, seems now that you are doing all you can, he needs to deal with this matter NOW so you can then deal with the reaction, which might lead to the converting on paper being the only option. You need to know now how this will go and what HE will do before you really go any further. Personally I wouldn't wait to be there to tell them, I would let him do this without you. Might sound odd but this is 'family' business and kind of doesn't 'involve' you until they accept it or at least know about your intentions. Egypt is very diverse, all people are very different and it sounds like your man is not similar to those ferret will know and WK's hubby although WK's hubby's family might be more similar. I'm picking this up from the 'strict Muslim family in very small village' comment.
The village has seen you without your hair covered so there is no reason to start covering it. When I met my in laws I was covered because I did then, now I don't and no one has mentioned me not covering either. They have seen me sweating enough though
You sound like you're quite 'wise' and you are getting some good advice from all angles, which is good, but really he needs to tell family or at the very least ASK them what they would think IF he was considering marrying you, that way he is asking their advice on him wanting to marry a foreigner for love, that way he will know what he's got to deal with.
Posted by Life is a journey (Member # 17655) on :
although I do wish flights to Cairo were cheaper!!)
We are going to cairo in two weeks, although booking flights tomorrow. The flight prices are horrendous direct flight with egypt air were coming in over a 1,000 pp !!!! so think we are flying to sharm then getting a domestic flight cairo. Anyone know of any cheap flights atm, and that are direct and egyptians can fly with xx
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Ayisha: [QUOTE] From the sounds of it he is not as 'modern' as the Egyptians in Cairo and the family 'could' be a huge problem for you. [QUOTE] Yes I know what you mean, he does work in a tourist area so knows more about the Western life, but he's very much a family man and it's important to him what his family thinks.
[QUOTE] I think if you're not planning on marrying yet then he needs to tell his family asap, seems now that you are doing all you can, he needs to deal with this matter NOW so you can then deal with the reaction, which might lead to the converting on paper being the only option. You need to know now how this will go and what HE will do before you really go any further. Personally I wouldn't wait to be there to tell them, I would let him do this without you. [QUOTE]
Completely understand this, and now you put it that way, yes - for him to tell them when I'm not there is probably for the best. In their village they still have a man who all the people go to to sort out problems so I think it's as traditional as you get (I'm not a particularly well-travelled person!)
The family (and village) have accepted me so well so far, the days we have to say goodbye is terrible, his whole family and best friends crying, I normally start a couple of days before I leave! I just hope that they can see through their strict tradition and see me for the person I am and be happy for their son. They have obviously accepted him working away from the village and the 'normal' things their family do so maybe??
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Sorry... I don't know how to the the 'quote' things on here?!
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by Life is a journey: We are going to cairo in two weeks, although booking flights tomorrow. The flight prices are horrendous direct flight with egypt air were coming in over a 1,000 pp !!!! so think we are flying to sharm then getting a domestic flight cairo. Anyone know of any cheap flights atm, and that are direct and egyptians can fly with xx
I normally fly from North West and the cheapest website I find is travelsupermarket. I never go direct though because as you say it'd be horrendous prices. Im going September and best price I can get is £355. Do you have to go direct?
Posted by Life is a journey (Member # 17655) on :
Thats a lot, especially if ur booking know ?? yeah gotta fly direct otherwise need transit visa for (A) and just cant be bothered getting them. Just in middle of A getting schenagan visa, so we can go to spain for a holiday x
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Ah right... I'm just looking at getting a flight to Sharm, stay in hotel for a few nights then bus to Cairo and fly back from there. Never know if it's cheaper just to get return ticket or buy seperate flights?!
Have a good holiday in Spain Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sponge: Sorry... I don't know how to the the 'quote' things on here?!
[ quote ]before it and [ / quote ] after it with NO spaces
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: [ quote ]before it and [ / quote ] after it with NO spaces
Thanks! Posted by marydot (Member # 15932) on :
Iam Muslim now since 2004
Yesterday my family has finally accepted me and islam after all these's years.
You may ask why.
Yesterday my sister she asked me what if i died before her, was there any special arrangemnts to be made with my body. we have discussed this.
So yes family is so very important.
This is why i said dont convert for him or his family or anyone convert for your own self.
I'm so happy i have my family back to me.
ok enough about me !!!
Take it slow sponge and dont go worrying about everything in one time, you cant take too much on board at one time.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Thanks Marydot. Good advice, I do tend to want to know everything all at once. If only I had a crystal ball!
And wonderful news about your family. I'm very happy for you Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
Re flights....
In Jan for the revolution I flew Air France as they were £350 from Cairo to Manchester with a lay over in Holland (night stay over inc) and in March I flew direct EA as they were £300 direct from Heathrow. (BA were £300 but the short notice and inconvenience of landing in London at night weren't worth the generosity of them offering to put on extra flights to 'evacuate' us)
I have found that Air France (KLM) and EA are competitive. Last year I also flew direct with BA for £200 to Heathrow (not happy they charged £300 for evacuee flights!!) so it is best to play around with dates either side and look at the three websites.
I await the day EA or BA fly direct to Birmingham. I hate lay overs and Heathrow and Manchester are both a way away from where I need to get to.
I looked at the direct to Sharm flights from the Mids and Sharm to Cairo would only save me about £100 but take me way too long with bother to even attempt I spend that in transit on tat to pass the time!
I arrived back on Thursday so my figures are pretty up to date Posted by akshar (Member # 1680) on :
Never convert for a man or a family, convert because that is what you believe.
There is no reason why a Muslim man can not marry a Christian woman. It is accepted in the Koran and the prophet Mohammed did it himself
The family is the big thing, if you marry and they don't buy into it then he will always be torn and eventually one side will win out and from what you describe of him it will be his family.
There is no reason to cover your hair, some Muslims do, some Muslims don't.
Posted by tigerlily_misr (Member # 3567) on :
Sponge, enjoy the fun while it last. Without a doubt there is some excitement in the relationship and as they say absence makes the heart grows fonder as you both live apart from each other. But marriages are no easy game and considering your love interest comes from a completely different cultural and religious background it's double as hard. You can only know so much about him, his family, his lifestyle, his mentality while visiting him every other couple of months. Once you will live together this will be the true eye opener but things might just be a little too late then since you have already signed the marriage papers.
So many women have been in exactly the same circumstances before, for some it worked out, for most of them not. The converting part yes or no: As you already realized by yourself you should make this big decision not to please anyone. If you look into this matter it can take years until you fully accept the idea of Islam - since you already pointed out yourself that you are not a particular religious person - or perhaps you will never. A lot of these Egyptians say in the beginning of the relationship that they don't mind your religious status since they want to please you. They will say anything to get a relationship with you started. But usually after the marriage it can become a big issue especially if the guy transforms into a more pious person than you thought he was. And believe me religion is to most Egyptians like food and water. Islam dictates their whole life from the morning to the evening. Just also keep in mind any children you will have with your boyfriend will have to grow up as Muslims.
IMHO see where the relationship with your Egyptian boyfriend goes. Perhaps he's just a rebound guy and you will settle eventually with someone else. All the best.
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
What will you do if your partners family refuse to let you into the fold unless you convert to Islam?
What would your partner do?
Posted by weirdkitty (Member # 15365) on :
There is no reason why a Muslim family shouldn't accept a Christian. If your partner tries the old "convert just to please them, it's my culture" etc, tell him where to go. And I would discuss in detail what he expects after marriage, I would be wary if things could suddenly change.
Re flights: I was quite impressed we found a flight for Sam here for only £140, direct with BMI. When I fly I only go BMI or Egyptair. They always seem the cheapest direct to Cairo. Although babies don't pay for a seat, there is still a tax, costing from £30-£60. So last three times I've travelled with him the flight for me and Zain was about £320-£420. Sadly the next time we go to Egypt zain will e over two so paying for a Childs ticket. Two adults and a child, ouch.
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
The BMI seats on their little airbus have seats just the right size for Zain!!! If I was ever to have to attempt the brace position on one of them chugalugs I would bash my head off the seat in front of me
Flight prices fluctuate so much that it really is a good idea to look around.
And yes, check what will change after you marry (or owns you as some may interpret ) You may find yourself being one of 4 wives with the pressure of paying for all the families ill health, deaths and Uni qualifications!
On a positive note though, there are many happy folk here in mixed marriages but generally the woman really puts her foot down... Posted by *Dalia* (Member # 13012) on :
quote:Originally posted by weirdkitty: And I would discuss in detail what he expects after marriage, I would be wary if things could suddenly change.
Exactly. Don't expect to work it out later, lay it all down, even – or especially – the issues a Westerner wouldn't initially think of. What is his/his family's position on female circumcision (in case you might have a daughter at some point), second wife (is it ok to put a clause in the marriage contract giving the first wife the right to divorce immediately in case he should marry another), you travelling alone, having male friends? How will the incomes be divided (separate or joint bank accounts etc.), where and how will you live, who will provide the apartment, furniture etc. …
Posted by Mo Ning Min E (Member # 681) on :
Absolutely right Dalia. And it isn't unromantic or distrustful to figure out a carefully drawn up prenup. [Well it is, actually, but it is the system here]. And it is ALL about money in the end. I was speaking to a friend yesterday about this subject, he was telling me that when he married his wife the negotiations [at the time of the proposed engagement] was convoluted, involving both families, lasted weeks ... horrible [and 5 years later she left him for his best friend and got everything, including their son. ha] I would very seriously [Very] suggest that you could spend a year or two living happily with an Orfi, get a feel for it. What is it with Western women anyway? If you meet a guy in your home country you don't start planning weddings within the first 6 months do you? And bugger it, your own culture has a few rights too you know.Please don't end up like a few women I've met who scuttle around disguised as Egyptian women, and are either fake Moslems, or at the other extreme, the only real practising Moslem in the family. And some of these village guys do expect you to stay home 24/7, no popping out for coffee, he gets the groceries, etc, so even though I'm sure he's adorable, after marriage you mey find a cultural gap that will astonish you.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Thanks all for your replies.
I think that most of your thoughts have the same vain of though and you're right. It's just good to bash around thoughts and ideas with people who have been there/are knowledgeable about the faith and cultures which is something I need to learn more about.
TBH I can't see me converting, not because I don't believe, but because I'm not a religious person and the thought of having to do something just to please someone else makes me even more determined not to do it for that reason! I'm not saying that years down the line it wouldn't be right for me, but to do it just to marry or be accepted is completely wrong and would be an insult to the religion.
We do talk a lot about how things would be in the future eg sitting with men alone/alcohol etc and some things I'm prepared to compromise on, as will he, others no way and he knows that. I think he will find it hard for me to always be the breadwinner in the relationship (I don't think he could find a job as well paid as mine in the UK) he does want to provide for me, but he understands that I will always work as this is something I do because I enjoy (well ok, if money was no option I'd maybe work a bit less!) and I'm certainly not the 'stay at home' type.
We've talked about children and how I believe that the responsibility to take care of the children should be for both mother and father and he agrees with this, I have seen him at home with his younger brothers and sisters and he is quite hands on with them (although I know it's easier to give them back when they're not your own!) One of his brothers is totally the other way, very much the woman should do all this work, but he's the minority in the family. I think because my partner has mixed with Westerners more, he knows that there is another way of living out there and appreciates that.
I think at the end of the day it's all about taking time to make sure everything's right before rushing into marriage etc just so we can be together in the UK. But your help and advice and info in the meantime is very reassuring Posted by Chef Mick (Member # 11209) on :
quote:Originally posted by Mo Ning Min E: Absolutely right Dalia. And it isn't unromantic or distrustful to figure out a carefully drawn up prenup. [Well it is, actually, but it is the system here]. And it is ALL about money in the end. I was speaking to a friend yesterday about this subject, he was telling me that when he married his wife the negotiations [at the time of the proposed engagement] was convoluted, involving both families, lasted weeks ... horrible [and 5 years later she left him for his best friend and got everything, including their son. ha] I would very seriously [Very] suggest that you could spend a year or two living happily with an Orfi, get a feel for it. What is it with Western women anyway? If you meet a guy in your home country you don't start planning weddings within the first 6 months do you? And bugger it, your own culture has a few rights too you know.Please don't end up like a few women I've met who scuttle around disguised as Egyptian women, and are either fake Moslems, or at the other extreme, the only real practising Moslem in the family. And some of these village guys do expect you to stay home 24/7, no popping out for coffee, he gets the groceries, etc, so even though I'm sure he's adorable, after marriage you mey find a cultural gap that will astonish you.
i agree totally with you. the culture gap is astonishing, but we made it through for 6 years and am still going strong ..one thing i have found ...talk to each other, find out what is bothering each other , and never go to bed mad at each other..communication is the key to a happy relationship Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by Chef Mick:
i agree totally with you. the culture gap is astonishing, but we made it through for 6 years and am still going strong ..one thing i have found ...talk to each other, find out what is bothering each other , and never go to bed mad at each other..communication is the key to a happy relationship [/QUOTE]
Indeed it is!!
Good to know there are people out there who have worked through the culture gap. I suppose that it depends on the size of the gap though and that's where it can be easier/harder to overcome Posted by Chef Mick (Member # 11209) on :
it was tough for a while but thank God we managed to get through it..everyday is a challenge, but you can overcome this if you are truly in love... one thing i really love about my husband is that before he leaves for work or when he calls on the phone during his work day, he never fails to say " i love you "...my heart skips a beat even to this day Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by Chef Mick: one thing i really love about my husband is that before he leaves for work or when he calls on the phone during his work day, he never fails to say " i love you "...my heart skips a beat even to this day
Yes I know what you mean, before we even start a conversation on the phone he says this, it's the little things that are so important.
But before everyone says that it's the other things you need to think about, I know! It's just nice to talk about the nice things once in a while... thanks CM Posted by akshar (Member # 1680) on :
You say you will always be the breadwinner as you can earn more money than him. Be careful
I was married before to a Syrian, in the UK. He was a graduate of Damascus University and the Sorbonne. Despite this he could never get a job that even covered childcare costs. So for the twelve years of our marriage i worked, very well paid as I was an IT consultant and he stayed at home.
He hated it, it undermined him in every way, he cried when he drove me to the station to catch the train to work, heavily pregnant. He died of cancer. The doctor thought the operation had got it all but two years after he got secondaries. I often wonder if he would have lived if he had been in his own country, being the typical man supporting his wife.
When I married my Egyptian husband it made me determined that our life would be in Egypt where he would have dignity and respect, be the traditional husband and that has been successful. He would have shriveled up and died if he could not have been the leader in the relationship.
So be careful moving a traditional Arab away from his role as a man, his family, his culture, his religion as practised in Egypt, his entire way of life, his music, his mosque etc etc etc. They are like a good wine, they don't travel well
Posted by Mo Ning Min E (Member # 681) on :
...and never go to bed mad at each other
Yeah, stay up all night and fight. Posted by Chef Mick (Member # 11209) on :
quote:Originally posted by Mo Ning Min E: ...and never go to bed mad at each other
Yeah, stay up all night and fight.
naaaaaaaaaa we finally fall asleep eventually Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by akshar: When I married my Egyptian husband it made me determined that our life would be in Egypt where he would have dignity and respect, be the traditional husband and that has been successful. He would have shriveled up and died if he could not have been the leader in the relationship.
So be careful moving a traditional Arab away from his role as a man, his family, his culture, his religion as practiced in Egypt, his entire way of life, his music, his mosque etc etc etc. They are like a good wine, they don't travel well
Yes I can see what you mean.
Living in the UK for the rest of my life is not a definite. If he came here and felt he couldn't live here for whatever reason, then I would consider it. Although I'm not sure I could find a job in Egypt that easy.
I guess you have the same problems with the North/South divide of the UK... it's just a bigger scale! Some people just can't live out of their comfort zone.
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
From folk I know and talk to it is far easier for an English woman to find work in Egypt that it is for an Egyptian man to find work in the UK.
Work here is ten a penny... it isn't always the work you would choose but it is always available.
'Stay up and argue' made me smile... good retort.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Yes I can't imagine the work he would be able to get here would be ideal, but you do what you can don't you.
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
I am saying I imagine it is easier as a native english speaker to find work in Egypt as you will be in demand in schools etc for your language. No qualifications needed... (for many, not all). For an Egyptian to find work in the UK they not only need the qualifications (for the better paid jobs) but also the language (unless the post is obviously for an Egyptian Arabic speaker) skills to put them above the people against them who are also applying.
Since the revolution I have noticed just how many teaching roles are on offer. I saw one recently (gone by now I imagine) was for an unqualified English teacher, salary around 15k pm. Some schools are desperate to attract native English speakers back.
Perhaps the ladies in the west who are married to Egyptians could give an insight as to what their hubbys do in the West. Also an insight for you as to whether they are required to have IELTS or the like and if they are required to submit their Thanaweya Amma papers.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cheekyferret: Since the revolution I have noticed just how many teaching roles are on offer. I saw one recently (gone by now I imagine) was for an unqualified English teacher, salary around 15k pm. Some schools are desperate to attract native English speakers back.
Wouldn't you need to speak Arabic too??
quote:Perhaps the ladies in the west who are married to Egyptians could give an insight as to what their hubbys do in the West. Also an insight for you as to whether they are required to have IELTS or the like and if they are required to submit their Thanaweya Amma papers.
Ok, I have no idea what those papers or IELTS is?
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
Thanaweya Amma is the General High School certificate.... top TA students used to be offered scholarships in Egypt and is a very common certificate here that I have been told can be requested at an international level... but I only know this of doctors who are studying for a specialism... but it may be more generic. Perhaps the wives of Egyptians could respond.
IELTS is the International English Language Testing System... A global English test that is highly recognised. It generally can lead into the international education system or employment. It is extremely common in Egypt and main students strive to attain this accreditation.
What level of English does your partner have?
Sponge, there is a lot to consider, personally for me the family would be the bottom of my list as I would like financial security, secured work and a nice home either here or there... especially if I was considering a family. What others think about my hair would not be on my list of cares
You do not have to speak any Arabic to teach English... most establishments frown upon dual language in teaching. It can naturally be of assistance but not necessary. This is why English speakers are preferred as they do not revert to Arabic. There are plenty of Arabic teachers who teach English but their language naturally is not as strong, or correct as ours. (bowel being pronounce bowel is my first example, would you like a bowel of soup lol), it is just that parents pay the schools etc more if their child is being taught English by a native.
Also, private tuition can be a good little earner if you can get the pupils. I know some mothers who feel they are higher in class if an English person visits their home to teach.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cheekyferret: What level of English does your partner have?
He is pretty fluent in English, can read/write and speak it very well. The only thing he struggles with is the pronunciations and sayings we have in the UK and a little bit of the grammar - but that trips a lot of English people up!
quote:You do not have to speak any Arabic to teach English... most establishments frown upon dual language in teaching. It can naturally be of assistance but not necessary. This is why English speakers are preferred as they do not revert to Arabic. There are plenty of Arabic teachers who teach English but their language naturally is not as strong, or correct as ours. (bowel being pronounce bowel is my first example, would you like a bowel of soup lol), it is just that parents pay the schools etc more if their child is being taught English by a native.
I find that a bit strange, if an English person is teaching English to Arabic speaking students, how do they know what the English means?!
quote:Also, private tuition can be a good little earner if you can get the pupils. I know some mothers who feel they are higher in class if an English person visits their home to teach.
Ahh yes, that would probably be a good thing. Maybe even for my partner to do as he speaks both. Pity we couldn't do a job share, ha ha Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
Imagine teaching a Deaf person... a lot of their world is visual. You use tools, apparatus, pictures, hand gestures etc... many children who are priveledged enough to attend schools that their parents pay for often have dual language parents also have the basic foundation of the language. It really is very easy
In KG's the little ones are like you; a sponge they absorb your language like it is the only thing they know.
You don't just teach English, you can teach science in English language etc... you educate them and give them knowledge in your language via the methods I mentioned above. Adults are the worst to teach as they already know the facts of life and they just want pure English... then you begin the focus on grammar, pronunciation and sentence structure etc. Even older children who are self educators are difficult as they were born to know it all lol... but again, introduce the concept of past progressive, simple and futrure tense etc and you soon find you have a student who has a need to learn
The thing with non native English speakers teaching English is they do not teach the accent, their grammar can be limited and also if they were taught poor sentence structure or pronunciation they pass it on. A little like a bad driver teaching you to drive, you would be barely passable but perhaps ok to go it alone.
Whilst I was in the UK last month I visited the HQ of a company who deliver teaching using non verbal language to foreigners... it really is quite interesting (well for me lol).
Anyway, totally off topic. I just like this topic
I hope you have some of the girls of here PM'ing you as they can tell you what may or may not lay ahead...
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Wow, very interesting! Love it
Have had a couple of people PM'ing me from other threads I've asked questions of. Not from this one. But the info on here is so great. It's not put me off being with my partner but has certainly put perspective on the whole situation.
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
I don't think anyone's aim is to put you off, perhaps just help you to see what may or may not be ahead of you. I have lived in Egpyt long enough to see ladies not actually seeing the bigger picture and think Egypt is all about sunsets, pretty boys with nice words and fab weather. Not to mention all the other good things Egpyt has to offer... Great social scene, opportunity to travel to some awesome places, days at the beach and my personal fave... the pool
They don't see the poor salaries, the in-laws from hell and the mozzies! Not to mention many other negative points I am sure some folk on here will be happy to mention as some have clearly been screwed over in the past and like to hate everything about Egypt...
To make relationships in general work there has to be honesty, compromise and respect... my only advice to you is never let a dude overseas lead you into doing something you wouldn't do with an English dude.
There is a tendancy for the boys to want to marry here within a week of seeing your beautiful eyes (barf)... for whatever reason would you marry John the Butcher from Wrexham in a week lol...
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Ooh could never marry a butcher, don't like the smell, ha ha!
And no it's the first forum I've been on where people don't actually want to put you off, they just give you good honest advice (or have I been lucky so far?!)
At the moment I'm so happy with what me and my man have but it's a long way off anything permanent and I know to even get it there it will take so much patience/honesty/respect/communication/compromise, the list is endless. But making it permanent is something we have talked about and if we both eventually want the same things then I'm sure we'll be happy.
As you say, you need to get things into perspective and if I wouldn't take if from an English bloke then why from anyone else.
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
That's the spirit
You are lucky, there is a right little committee of vultures who usually post here who I am shocked haven't already started to circle you.
Don't fret though it will happen and once one pecks at ya the others soon tag along.
FYI re the weather... it is lashing it down... I have had several calls from bored folk discussing that they are stranded. The roads here are now like rivers! It will be chaos tomorrow! I haven't seen rain this relentless in cairo in years!
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cheekyferret: FYI re the weather... it is lashing it down... I have had several calls from bored folk discussing that they are stranded. The roads here are now like rivers! It will be chaos tomorrow! I haven't seen rain this relentless in cairo in years!
Ahh yes, my man has just told me, although I bet the temp of the rain is a little different to here! It's been quite sunny here today though, it was one of the only times I got to brag about it to him
I don't visit him again till September so I'm hoping to get at least a few days of sun over here before I go, I'm a milk bottle most of the time but this UK weather is getting worse! If only we could share it fairly, you're just greedy with the sun over there Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
I am actually cold! I was out in the first storm (top went see through!!) and I had goose pimples in the wind... taxis went as rare as rocking horse shite and I stood for ages.
But I did get some nice days in the UK in March
September will fly round, and I think September is a lovely month... it is still glorius weather but not so offensive.
It is still going! My poor satellite dish Looks like another fix it job for bodge-it and scarper!
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Yeah, last time I went was February and it got really cold at night. Glad I took my wooly socks. Went in November last year and that was lovely.
Thinking September will be pretty hot for me. I cover myself up when I'm there with his family/friends, but luckily they have a nice flat roof which I escape up onto and can have a good sunbathe on.
Do you actually get proper Sky out there or is it just the usual Egyptian channels with the one English movie channel?
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
There is proper Sky ... Orbit Show Network. Got the lot if you want it, Corrie, Emmerdale and the such. I personally don't have it as I have freeview that has Glee, CSI, English films and the news which kinda sorts me out
There are loadsa English movies on the OSN package. There are a few expat DVD libraries too, in some places the concept is newer than others and folk tend to take but not return!!
It does get cold here, I have a proper thick duvet, a blanket and heating! I climatised as a teen to the ME weather and haven't reverted back! I feel cold so easily!
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cheekyferret: There is proper Sky ... Orbit Show Network. Got the lot if you want it, Corrie, Emmerdale and the such. I personally don't have it as I have freeview that has Glee, CSI, English films and the news which kinda sorts me out
Woohoo Glee!! That's it, I'm packing my bags and moving now Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sponge:
quote:Originally posted by Cheekyferret: There is proper Sky ... Orbit Show Network. Got the lot if you want it, Corrie, Emmerdale and the such. I personally don't have it as I have freeview that has Glee, CSI, English films and the news which kinda sorts me out
Woohoo Glee!! That's it, I'm packing my bags and moving now
Don't stop believin' Posted by marydot (Member # 15932) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sponge:
quote:Originally posted by marydot: [QUOTE]TL please dont ruin this thread, its not for provoking its about sponge.
Thanks Marydot, I'd treat the comment with the attention it deserved, I wasn't sure if you were having a private joke so kept out of it! Don't know anyone enough on here to get involved
Your getting good advice so far sponge
Alot of people on here will help you and advice you the best they can.
Don't take much notice of the negative things people say on here.
At the end of the day, it's your decision and you alone can only make this.
When you do tell his parents,they may not accept it but acceptances will come in time.
They may surprised you and be very happy to hear you both are getting married, but you both need to tell them as soon as possible.
Posted by marydot (Member # 15932) on :
quote:Originally posted by tigerlily_misr: Sponge, enjoy the fun while it last. Without a doubt there is some excitement in the relationship and as they say absence makes the heart grows fonder as you both live apart from each other. But marriages are no easy game and considering your love interest comes from a completely different cultural and religious background it's double as hard. You can only know so much about him, his family, his lifestyle, his mentality while visiting him every other couple of months. Once you will live together this will be the true eye opener but things might just be a little too late then since you have already signed the marriage papers.
So many women have been in exactly the same circumstances before, for some it worked out, for most of them not. The converting part yes or no: As you already realized by yourself you should make this big decision not to please anyone. If you look into this matter it can take years until you fully accept the idea of Islam - since you already pointed out yourself that you are not a particular religious person - or perhaps you will never. A lot of these Egyptians say in the beginning of the relationship that they don't mind your religious status since they want to please you. They will say anything to get a relationship with you started. But usually after the marriage it can become a big issue especially if the guy transforms into a more pious person than you thought he was. And believe me religion is to most Egyptians like food and water. Islam dictates their whole life from the morning to the evening. Just also keep in mind any children you will have with your boyfriend will have to grow up as Muslims.
IMHO see where the relationship with your Egyptian boyfriend goes. Perhaps he's just a rebound guy and you will settle eventually with someone else. All the best.
quote:But marriages are no easy game and considering your love interest comes from a completely different cultural and religious background it's double as hard.
Love interest you sound like sono!!!!
Sponge is asking for advise here so she is willing to learn!!!
And I respect her for this.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cheekyferret: I am actually cold! I was out in the first storm (top went see through!!) and I had goose pimples in the wind...
Wind was bad here too last night, had to close the shutters. Was hot yesterday but the breeze off the mountain up at Medinet Habu was wonderful, I wanna live up there!
We still have a blanket and feather duvet on the bed though Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
The storm was pretty bad, I am just off out to see what damage was done as there was some right clatter banging going on and I can hear a lot of sweeping!
I still have a big blanket too Ayisha, if folk think april is warm then they are gonna be screwed in August Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cheekyferret: The storm was pretty bad, I am just off out to see what damage was done as there was some right clatter banging going on and I can hear a lot of sweeping!
I still have a big blanket too Ayisha, if folk think april is warm then they are gonna be screwed in August
I'm always screwed in August, way too hot here but right now it's cool for April even though it's hot.
Thank you God for giving me a longer 'winter' this year, now if you can just do something about a 36 hour day please?
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
I wouldn't mind a 36hr day if it was hot Posted by adelly (Member # 14574) on :
I was cold too. But i enjoyed breeze after rain on balcony. Also enjoyed less mozzies.
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
Ah but mozzies adore dirty wetland and they will come back en masse. I have only been back since thurs and already my elbow and toes have been attacked ... Blighters
Posted by Monkey (Member # 17287) on :
I hate mozzies Last time I went all out to keep them at bay - smothered myself in repellent. They bit the soles of my feet while I was sleeping
Outsmarted by a gnat, oh the shame Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
take vit B for at least 3 weeks before you come, or eat marmite daily, they hate the taste
Posted by Mo Ning Min E (Member # 681) on :
Or better yet, rub Marmite all over your skin. No mosquitos, and a really fast tan! I've never tried it ... Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
I eat Marmite Ayisha and I get bitten.
I used to use all the recommended crap on the websites but frankly after 20 years of travelling I have concluded if you are gonna get bitten you will get bitten.
I don't mind the bites and the itching, it is the buzzing in yer ear when you are trying to sleep that turns me all schitzy!
Monkey, I wrap myself up like a Mummy but if so much as a toe is exposed I wake up bitten to buggery! The Drs in Ghana (where I caught Malaria) said I was just one of the tasty ones ... and in Ghana I fanatically used repellents, juju, voodoo, citronella, deet, blah blah and even took anti-malaria meds and still got bitten and fell ill!
My only way to prevent being bitten is to sleep with a fan on me so the feckers can't land Posted by Monkey (Member # 17287) on :
Vit B I will try. Marmite I'll probably give a miss. Mo, I'd be more likely to try your strategy than ever putting it in my mouth. But I hear dogs are quite partial to it so I'm thinking I could be replacing one problem with a slightly bigger one Posted by Monkey (Member # 17287) on :
I've been had by two kinds of mozzies in Egypt. One your regular itchy bite, the other gave me big weepy blisters. Only ever had those before when I went to Northern Greece.
Not as bad as the bites I had in Sri Lanka though. Still have some cracking chicken pox like scars on my feet.
Posted by Mo Ning Min E (Member # 681) on :
seriously, I used to have a big problem with mosquitos. Now, I put a dollop of body lotion on my hand, mix in a good squirt of Off spray, and rub it in, et voila! I think the sprays evaporate and the lotion helps stop that.
Posted by Dzosser (Member # 9572) on :
I'd like this thread to remain positive to Sponge, as she should be left to decide for herself..no vulturing as CF put it, let her be ES's Guinea pig (sorry for this) and see how things will progress with time.
I hope she keeps the good vibes all the way and finds her happiness with her man.
All the best from an Egyptian bloke Sponge. Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cheekyferret:
I don't mind the bites and the itching, it is the buzzing in yer ear when you are trying to sleep that turns me all schitzy!
That turns me wild, that's when the feckers wanna bite the soft bits round the eyes. HATE that.
Must say though that now when they bite I don't react so badly to the bites, used to get HUGE lumps but now they itch for a bit then it goes off unless its feet or fingers
Posted by Monkey (Member # 17287) on :
My problem is... I'm bone idle. I don't wear body lotion and I only remember repellent once they've already had their feeding frenzy. But I'm going to make a concerted effort next time.
Which is better, the old fashioned coils you put in the plug in thingy, or the plug in thingy that releases liquid vapour? I've been using the latter and I do use it religiously, but I can honestly say it's worse than useles. Ok, I will admit the first five days I had it turned on but forgot to remove the stopper from the bottle But even after this it seemed to do naff all.
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
Watching a mozzie sitting on yer ezilat mats doesn't fill me with proomise
I even have the sonar machine, sucks too!
If you study up on this subject it really does hightlight how different we all are and how what works for some may not work for others
I for example work more so on the itch than preventing the bite and have concluded that picking the scab after intense scratching really helps
Deet is harmful to babies and kids yet I see umpteen tourists each year smothering their kids in the stuff... no bites maybe, having Deet running through their blood stream, into their nervous system and killing off brain cells not a problem!!! yes, I just rolled my eyes!
Posted by Mo Ning Min E (Member # 681) on :
CF it can't have excaped your notice that the world is collapsing around our ears, Tsunamis earthquakes, Nuclear accidents, wars, floods civil strife etc etc, Deet is the least of our problems. Maybe the small amounts of nuclear fallout floating around will kill off all the mozzies! Every cloud has a silver lining maybe?
Posted by Shanta Gdeeda (Member # 9889) on :
I used to have this book about 30 years ago called The Nuclear War Fun Book. The only creatures which thrived were roaches.
I think by referring to it as a 'spiteful childrens book' the author of that review kind of missed the whole point of the book!
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
Deet is the beginning of the problems for children subjected to ignorant parents
I can control the amount of Deet I place upon a child, the rest is down to mother nature.
The nuclear fallout may also creat Super Mozzies...
Every cloud has 2 sides to it and the lining on the other is no silver
If I believed that more **** should happen as **** is already happening then I may as well go score some heroin, rob a bank and shoot the man who fecked up my curtains Posted by Monkey (Member # 17287) on :
Super mozzies **shudder**
I like every lining has a silver cloud, as my friend said. She also claimed to be raising money for blind dogs for the guide Posted by Laura (Member # 879) on :
Since this is already way off topic, will add my "Cure". Have never found any really effective mosquito control potion or lotion but have found a very effective method for RELIEF!
Cheap! (under 10le a box) Take 2, 1 is not enough. In about 15 minutes you should be totally "itch free" and it lasts about 8 hours. Also does NOT make you drowsy. Try it, you'll like it! Keep it handy in your purse for when you are out.
Posted by Shanta Gdeeda (Member # 9889) on :
Cheap! (under 10le a box) Take 2, 1 is not enough. In about 15 minutes you should be totally "itch free" and it lasts about 8 hours. Also does NOT make you drowsy. Try it, you'll like it! Keep it handy in your purse for when you are out.
That's useful to know! It's the same ingredients as Zyrtec which last time I bought was 22LE a box.
Me and my mozzies have a 'live and let live' relationship most of the time, but if they're getting too big and juicy (always alarming at how much blood comes out of a squashed one when you're the only person it could have eaten), I take a Zyrtec night and morning so I don't feel them even if they do nibble.
Also, good tip MoNing, to mix the Off with body lotion and keep it going a bit longer!
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
I have Diprosone for the bites that hurt more than itch. They are corticosteroids that work for me. But mostly scratch scratch scratch...
Diprosone is sold OTC in most pharamcies and is also cheap to use.
Posted by Life is a journey (Member # 17655) on :
On Mozzies,
Apparently if you drink beer (probably sakara) they are less likely to bite you ?? Although this was told to me while the guy was drinking beer, so not sure how relible or sober he was, but he was well travelled though lol.
Does anyone know what repellent i can use on a baby ??
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
hahaha liaj. I was told if you drink beer the mozzies are more likely to bite you as a) you sweat more, b) you taste sweeter and c) you sleep more deeply and are less likely to feel owt
Trust me, I drink a lot of beer and I have some fresh bites as I type ... perhaps I should drink more beer Posted by Monkey (Member # 17287) on :
I always scratch the area surrounding them and not the bite itself. Once you break the skin it's like a viscious circle of itchiness, with me anyway.
I remember one thing that did work - Ibuprofen. Tried antihistamines and nothing, antihistamine cream, nothing, bite cream - forget it, zappers, pah. But Ibuprofen stopped them itching, quite so much anyways. But this was at the point where they were really red and inflamed though.
Posted by Dzosser (Member # 9572) on :
Maybe Sponge might have something to say about mozzies too ? Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
sorry sponge, nicked your thread
rubbing a lemon on the bite helps the itch, cut the lemon first. Vinegar also works.
Posted by Mo Ning Min E (Member # 681) on :
Sorry Dz. But we're just nattering while she's not here. [Like you do when soneone goes to the bathroom or whatever] And it would be weird to argue amongst ourselves about her dilemma when she's not around, no?
Posted by Dzosser (Member # 9572) on :
She would be around if someone wrote to her about her OT rather than mozzies. Posted by Monkey (Member # 17287) on :
Yes, sorry Sponge
Hope it all works out. My two penneth: listen to ALL of the advice - the stuff you want to hear and the stuff you're not so comfortable with - think it over, ask your chap questions, lots and lots and lots and lots. See if you're happy with the answers... then you go right ahead and do exactly what you wanna because at the end of the day, it's your life I'm a great believer in trusting your gut and giving life a shake and getting everything you can out of it in the short time we're here
Good luck Posted by Shanta Gdeeda (Member # 9889) on :
But keep your heart open and your wallet shut
By which I don't mean don't pay your share if out or visiting, but his mother, auntie, grandad's cousin do not need operations at the most expensive hospital in Egypt and he doesn't need 15000LE to keep him out of prison simply because he was standing within half a mile of a fight.
And he doesn't need a cow - really.
Posted by Monkey (Member # 17287) on :
quote:Originally posted by Shanta Gdeeda: But keep your heart open and your wallet shut
Oh yes. And that, of course.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Shanta Gdeeda:
And he doesn't need a cow - really.
How about a buffalo? Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Ha Ha... you lot are all so funny!!!
And actually, he already owns two buffalo so no need to buy him any of those He gave his brother the money needed to finish his house last year and he is half way through building his own.
His family are very well... ooh, come to think of it the last time I was there his mum had a really bad cold, although there were no hints of hospitals. I did however give her some of my paracetamol & ibuprofen. Do you think she swindled me out of this?!
Seriously, joking aside I really appreciate all your help/advice (with the exception of some who clearly just like to rain on anyone's parade) and I do take it all in, even the not so good bits.
I'm glad you all had a good chat while I was away, has anyone tried the Avon SSS soft and fresh dry oil spray?? I've tried it and it worked for me, and I know others who swear by it too. Doesn't smell too bad either Posted by Monkey (Member # 17287) on :
Well thank goodness you aren't dating someone from the UK. Administering drugs to his mother in law? Are you medically qualified? Are you insured? Good god, woman, are you mad? I smell a law suit in the making. Cue the anaphalactic shock
Sure I spelt that wrong but it's getting way too late for me...
You gotta do what you gotta do - don't let any one else try to tell you what that is - tis the whole point. You have to work that one out for yourself.
Ok, I'll say this. I met an Egyptian I rather liked about 18 months ago, and in all honesty, didn't have a clue what to expect. Talk about Venus and Mars. Not when we were together - not when we talked - we were on the same page. Scarily on the same page. Nah, the "differences" crept in when I talked to other folk at home and (particularly) when I read crap online. I considered converting (reverting?) what have you, changing all sorts about me to try to jump throught these hoops which I felt duty bound to jump through... but actually, looking back, I'm not sure were ever there. I read up on the religion and saw myself wearing a hijab, never eating pork and never drinking again. If you read about it and don't talk about it you'll scare yourself to death - particularly if you just read stuff online - I'd say DON'T READ ABOUT ISLAM ONLINE PERIOD (Daniel Pipes - don't even go there!). You'll stumble across all kinds of BS - music is banned, art is banned, smiling is banned, breathing is banned. This isn't Egyptians at all - not that I've seen. These people have probably the best sense of humour of any nationality I've ever come across. My fairly religious, T total Egyptian boyfriend (ooh I said the 'b' word) is now an ardent follower of Father Ted. Close second is Borat. Don't believe everything (or anything) you read online. They're adaptable, amenable, so kind - meh - you know all this for yourself, I'm sure, but there's a hell of a lot more to them than the brick wall you'd be led to believe. They're a lot more maleable than you might think
Talk about it. Read books - ah I started a Penguin one but then I got annoyed where the Sunnis and Shi'ites started falling out (why do all religions do this? My version is better - no it isn't - mine is? Can't be doing with it)... So I just started talking to him about it instead - let him tell you what it means to him. It doesn't have to be for you but you have to be able to live with it, at least.
Decide what you're going to compromise on (i.e. upbringing of any kids - someone's realistically going to have to give a bit - might seem a long way off but hypothetical discussions don't hurt). Decide what you're not going to compromise on (you know really - you shouldn't give up who you are. If you're marrying an Egyptian Muslim you're going to have to be understanding of his culture so if he's decided to marry a western Christian or aetheist or what have you - same thing follows).
Dalia gave me very good advice when I first arrived here with my little head spinning all over the place. Just stay true to yourself above all else then the rest of it should follow. Que sera sera and all of that. But ES is great for getting the background on Egypt. Don't be in a huge rush to get to the end - life's all about the journey Posted by tigerlily_misr (Member # 3567) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sponge: Seriously, joking aside I really appreciate all your help/advice (with the exception of some who clearly just like to rain on anyone's parade) and I do take it all in, even the not so good bits.
Hmmmmm..... who and what do you mean in specific? Seriously what kind of replies didn't sit too well with you?
You came on here and asked people for their opinions. If you wanted just to hear marvellous things you should have said so in your very first posting.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Monkey: Well thank goodness you aren't dating someone from the UK. Administering drugs to his mother in law? Are you medically qualified? Are you insured? Good god, woman, are you mad? I smell a law suit in the making. Cue the anaphalactic shock
Sure I spelt that wrong but it's getting way too late for me...
You gotta do what you gotta do - don't let any one else try to tell you what that is - tis the whole point. You have to work that one out for yourself.
Ok, I'll say this. I met an Egyptian I rather liked about 18 months ago, and in all honesty, didn't have a clue what to expect. Talk about Venus and Mars. Not when we were together - not when we talked - we were on the same page. Scarily on the same page. Nah, the "differences" crept in when I talked to other folk at home and (particularly) when I read crap online. I considered converting (reverting?) what have you, changing all sorts about me to try to jump throught these hoops which I felt duty bound to jump through... but actually, looking back, I'm not sure were ever there. I read up on the religion and saw myself wearing a hijab, never eating pork and never drinking again. If you read about it and don't talk about it you'll scare yourself to death - particularly if you just read stuff online - I'd say DON'T READ ABOUT ISLAM ONLINE PERIOD (Daniel Pipes - don't even go there!). You'll stumble across all kinds of BS - music is banned, art is banned, smiling is banned, breathing is banned. This isn't Egyptians at all - not that I've seen. These people have probably the best sense of humour of any nationality I've ever come across. My fairly religious, T total Egyptian boyfriend (ooh I said the 'b' word) is now an ardent follower of Father Ted. Close second is Borat. Don't believe everything (or anything) you read online. They're adaptable, amenable, so kind - meh - you know all this for yourself, I'm sure, but there's a hell of a lot more to them than the brick wall you'd be led to believe. They're a lot more maleable than you might think
Talk about it. Read books - ah I started a Penguin one but then I got annoyed where the Sunnis and Shi'ites started falling out (why do all religions do this? My version is better - no it isn't - mine is? Can't be doing with it)... So I just started talking to him about it instead - let him tell you what it means to him. It doesn't have to be for you but you have to be able to live with it, at least.
Decide what you're going to compromise on (i.e. upbringing of any kids - someone's realistically going to have to give a bit - might seem a long way off but hypothetical discussions don't hurt). Decide what you're not going to compromise on (you know really - you shouldn't give up who you are. If you're marrying an Egyptian Muslim you're going to have to be understanding of his culture so if he's decided to marry a western Christian or aetheist or what have you - same thing follows).
Dalia gave me very good advice when I first arrived here with my little head spinning all over the place. Just stay true to yourself above all else then the rest of it should follow. Que sera sera and all of that. But ES is great for getting the background on Egypt. Don't be in a huge rush to get to the end - life's all about the journey
Excellent post, agree with everything you said.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sponge:
And actually, he already owns two buffalo so no need to buy him any of those
Red flag!!
Just kidding
quote:I'm glad you all had a good chat while I was away, has anyone tried the Avon SSS soft and fresh dry oil spray?? I've tried it and it worked for me, and I know others who swear by it too. Doesn't smell too bad either
Heard this a lot, Avon Skin So Soft body cream etc keeps mozzies off.
Posted by weirdkitty (Member # 15365) on :
When I was in Egypt in jan, my flat was freezing so I was going to bed fully dressed, so the mosquitoes went for my eyes and lips instead. Looked like I had had a beating!
Oh and monkey, I think I'd prefer to be with a man insisting I wear a burka, than make me watch father ted! Posted by murray-mint77 (Member # 13080) on :
Hi Sponge. I converted 2 years before meeting my hubby. I converted bcos I had been researching islam since my first trip to egypt back in 2006, something about it just spoke to my heart though at that time i did not even know how to say thank you in Arabic ! God only knows how i had such a reaction to islam since i never understood a word at that time.....since then i got more info from a local mosque, TRANSLATIONS ETC luckly i live in london so there are loads I believe this is the best way to find out more about islam if your english and have a mosque with sister or new muslim circles. I did not cover my hair at first, but i knew i would eventually. Coming from a british background i did find it hard only bcos my family are very closed with their view on all things different and they do get swepted up with all the bullsh!te that they hear from the media. I still have issues with my mother over this even though i've been muslim over 3 years now and went slowly with the transition (on my part). I truly believe anyone who ever thinks to convert to a different religion should do it bcos they believe in it not bcos of pressure by husband or inlaws etc or even just to ease/please them. There is no need to convert religion (unless u want to 4 yrslef) as it is allowed in the Qur'an for a male muslim to marry and have children with a woman of any religion or non religion as they believe any future children will take the religion of the father anyway.....in the future. I count myself very lucky i have been accepted with more than open arms and i am dearly loved by my hubby's family and i can honestly say i love them back just as much. They are not overly religious which is perfect as im not that strict either. Just have indepth talks with yr hubby to be about what he and his family expect of you in the future and see if u can accept it or not. Sometimes its not as bad as u imagine but its always best to get the right info from the horses mouth. I've learnt that lesson in more than one way, but believe me its more relevant within marriage. So many people have their views (esp bad views online) which are rightly thru the people they know or have met, but everyone is different and u must find the truth within your relationship not from how others are or have been. x P.S i would have been very worried if i was marrying into a strictly religious family, even being muslim before i met, im sure they would have expectations of me that i couldn't fullfil. But thats why u need to find out from him what is expected x x
Posted by Dalia* (Member # 10593) on :
quote:Originally posted by Monkey:
Dalia gave me very good advice when I first arrived here with my little head spinning all over the place.
Oh, really, I did?
quote:Originally posted by murray-mint77: it is allowed in the Qur'an for a male muslim to marry and have children with a woman of any religion or non religion
That's not quite correct. The Qur'an allows Muslims to marry people of the book, but says it's not okay to marry people who actively reject faith, so strictly speaking that would exclude atheists. Also, in contrary to the mainstream interpretation, the Qur'an itself does not prohibit Muslim women to marry men of other faiths. Scholars who say that this is forbidden usually don't refer to any scriptural sources but mainly base their reasoning on personal opinions about marriage and relationships.
Posted by murray-mint77 (Member # 13080) on :
^^Yes that is the official wording as such..^^ (people of the book) but I feel to b honest it is far more accepted to marry one with no religion (to as far as atheist) than an idolator, (which does include the catholic religion) which is as far as im aware a religion of the book...thats why i don't like to state that term ''people of the book'' But that is just my personal opinion/view on things x
Posted by Monkey (Member # 17287) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dalia*: Originally posted by Monkey:
Dalia gave me very good advice when I first arrived here with my little head spinning all over the place. Oh, really, I did?
Something about it getting on your wick when egyptian men meet western women and the western woman assumes that she has to change everything about herself to conform, or is expected to change this that and t'other, because if they don't like you for who you are why doesn't the egyptian man marry an egyptian woman and cut out the faff. Something like that... I think. I remember getting a bug up my arse because I was in the gooey stupid phase and you were quite direct, but never a truer word was spoken - so thanks Posted by marydot (Member # 15932) on :
quote:Originally posted by murray-mint77: Hi Sponge. I converted 2 years before meeting my hubby. I converted bcos I had been researching islam since my first trip to egypt back in 2006, something about it just spoke to my heart though at that time i did not even know how to say thank you in Arabic ! God only knows how i had such a reaction to islam since i never understood a word at that time.....since then i got more info from a local mosque, TRANSLATIONS ETC luckly i live in london so there are loads I believe this is the best way to find out more about islam if your english and have a mosque with sister or new muslim circles. I did not cover my hair at first, but i knew i would eventually. Coming from a british background i did find it hard only bcos my family are very closed with their view on all things different and they do get swepted up with all the bullsh!te that they hear from the media. I still have issues with my mother over this even though i've been muslim over 3 years now and went slowly with the transition (on my part). I truly believe anyone who ever thinks to convert to a different religion should do it bcos they believe in it not bcos of pressure by husband or inlaws etc or even just to ease/please them. There is no need to convert religion (unless u want to 4 yrslef) as it is allowed in the Qur'an for a male muslim to marry and have children with a woman of any religion or non religion as they believe any future children will take the religion of the father anyway.....in the future. I count myself very lucky i have been accepted with more than open arms and i am dearly loved by my hubby's family and i can honestly say i love them back just as much. They are not overly religious which is perfect as im not that strict either. Just have indepth talks with yr hubby to be about what he and his family expect of you in the future and see if u can accept it or not. Sometimes its not as bad as u imagine but its always best to get the right info from the horses mouth. I've learnt that lesson in more than one way, but believe me its more relevant within marriage. So many people have their views (esp bad views online) which are rightly thru the people they know or have met, but everyone is different and u must find the truth within your relationship not from how others are or have been. x P.S i would have been very worried if i was marrying into a strictly religious family, even being muslim before i met, im sure they would have expectations of me that i couldn't fullfil. But thats why u need to find out from him what is expected x x
Mashallah murray-mint77 i'm so happy for you.
This was something I enjoyed reading.
May allah guide you and bless you always Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Evening all, I want so much to quote loads of your replies but it'll take up too much room so all I'll say is:
Monkey, thanks for the huge input very interesting and good advice about learning about things.
Dalia, I'll second that on the advice you gave Monkey, really gives you a wake up call and makes so much sense. Oh, and I'm glad you helped her get that bug out of her ass, she sounds very happy for it
Murray-mint thanks for your insight into someone who converted, I'd like to know more at some point. Don't think I have too many mosques near me?!
and Ayisha, red flag with the buffalos then?! Do you think I should hold out till he gets a third?! Posted by murray-mint77 (Member # 13080) on :
Thank you Marydot im pleased u enjoyed it x I know i am one of the very very lucky ones and i hope my cut down version of my life so far helps some see there is a little light at the end of the tunnel (for some) not all turn into the road to hell though alot do sadly i think alot of those have to do with miscommunication and wishful thinking on both parts Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by murray-mint77: I think alot of those have to do with miscommunication and wishful thinking on both parts
Do you know, the one thing that runs all the way through anyone's advice is all about the communication. Sounds so simple doesn't it but it's not that easy for a lot of people. Thankfully I've never had a problem talking about my feelings But if you don't just live round the corner, the phone isn't always the easiest place to discuss your life decisions
And when you both have worries so far apart (he is out of work at the moment and worries that his boss won't give him the time off he wants when I'm due to see him later this year, my worries are too long to even write on here!) it's hard to always keep things light. But we always manage to end our calls with a laugh so that keeps us sane Posted by marydot (Member # 15932) on :
Everyone has worries and troubles, this is life sponge.
Not many people like to talk about it.
Just go there and marry the guy.
Take this first step together then work out what the plan is after.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by marydot: Just go there and marry the guy.
Take this first step together then work out what the plan is after.
Ahh I'd love to have the guts but I'm too sensible Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sponge:
and Ayisha, red flag with the buffalos then?! Do you think I should hold out till he gets a third?!
Nooo! I would interrogate him as to who bought those 2, was it 1 woman bought the 2 or was it 2 women bought 1 each. If he gets a 3rd one he's definitely cheating on you with some rich bint.
I am of course pulling your leg Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: [QUOTE]Nooo! I would interrogate him as to who bought those 2, was it 1 woman bought the 2 or was it 2 women bought 1 each. If he gets a 3rd one he's definitely cheating on you with some rich bint.
I am of course pulling your leg
Hilarious!! Posted by D_Oro (Member # 17954) on :
My opinion is to examine yourself.
Consider others advice but don't base your decision on it.
Consider the religious difference but don't base your actions on it. Your understanding of his religion can be very different than his understanding and practice of it.
Don't let fear be your motivation.
If he is amazing then he is a rare find, don't take it lightly.
Examine yourself, your heart, your feelings....
Use your head BUT FOLLOW YOUR HEART! Your head lies, only your heart knows the truth. Trust Yourself. Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by D_Oro: My opinion is to examine yourself.
Consider others advice but don't base your decision on it.
Consider the religious difference but don't base your actions on it. Your understanding of his religion can be very different than his understanding and practice of it.
Don't let fear be your motivation.
If he is amazing then he is a rare find, don't take it lightly.
Examine yourself, your heart, your feelings....
Use your head BUT FOLLOW YOUR HEART! Your head lies, only your heart knows the truth. Trust Yourself.
Wise words Doro Posted by Laura (Member # 879) on :
I look at it this way; right now divorce rates are at about 50%. This is for couples who have lived together for years, and then got married, couples who have dated for long periods and then married, couples who thought they knew each other inside and out, and then married, couples who were childhood sweethearts, went to college and then married, couples who thought they would be together forever.
There is NO guarantee a marriage will last forever.
If you are comfortable with him, love him, and trust him, then in my opinion, go for it.
My best wishes for the both of you Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by D_Oro: My opinion is to examine yourself.
Consider others advice but don't base your decision on it.
Consider the religious difference but don't base your actions on it. Your understanding of his religion can be very different than his understanding and practice of it.
Don't let fear be your motivation.
If he is amazing then he is a rare find, don't take it lightly.
Examine yourself, your heart, your feelings....
Use your head BUT FOLLOW YOUR HEART! Your head lies, only your heart knows the truth. Trust Yourself.
Thanks to you... very wise words Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by Laura: I look at it this way; right now divorce rates are at about 50%. This is for couples who have lived together for years, and then got married, couples who have dated for long periods and then married, couples who thought they knew each other inside and out, and then married, couples who were childhood sweethearts, went to college and then married, couples who thought they would be together forever.
Not a truer word spoken!!
quote:There is NO guarantee a marriage will last forever.
And again very true
quote:If you are comfortable with him, love him, and trust him, then in my opinion, go for it.
My best wishes for the both of you
Thanks Laura, everyone's posts are so helpful, it certainly gives me plenty of food for thought Posted by D_Oro (Member # 17954) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sponge:
quote:Originally posted by D_Oro: My opinion is to examine yourself.
Consider others advice but don't base your decision on it.
Consider the religious difference but don't base your actions on it. Your understanding of his religion can be very different than his understanding and practice of it.
Don't let fear be your motivation.
If he is amazing then he is a rare find, don't take it lightly.
Examine yourself, your heart, your feelings....
Use your head BUT FOLLOW YOUR HEART! Your head lies, only your heart knows the truth. Trust Yourself.
Thanks to you... very wise words
I have learned this the hard way... If your going to make a mistake, its better to error following your heart(IMHO), life it too short. Good luck to you. Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by D_Oro: I have learned this the hard way... If your going to make a mistake, its better to error following your heart(IMHO), life it too short. Good luck to you.
Not sure I understand this? Does this mean you think your head can sometimes talk you out of a good thing? Sorry if I seem a bit slow on the uptake Posted by D_Oro (Member # 17954) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sponge:
quote:Originally posted by D_Oro: I have learned this the hard way... If your going to make a mistake, its better to error following your heart(IMHO), life it too short. Good luck to you.
Not sure I understand this? Does this mean you think your head can sometimes talk you out of a good thing? Sorry if I seem a bit slow on the uptake
Yes, I do.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Ah ok, sorry D_Oro. I know what you mean. My head can sometimes play tricks with me.
Thanks for being honest too Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
The WORST thing is to end up regretting what you DIDN'T do, not what you DID do.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: The WORST thing is to end up regretting what you DIDN'T do, not what you DID do.
Yes you are right and I feel like now it's time to start living my life. But I need to make sure I'm not jumping out of frying pan into the fire. I had quite a lot of problems with my ex and don't want to make those same mistakes again. This time I will think of myself, not making someone else happy Posted by marydot (Member # 15932) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sponge:
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: The WORST thing is to end up regretting what you DIDN'T do, not what you DID do.
Yes you are right and I feel like now it's time to start living my life. But I need to make sure I'm not jumping out of frying pan into the fire. I had quite a lot of problems with my ex and don't want to make those same mistakes again. This time I will think of myself, not making someone else happy
True.
It must be very hard when your partner is living in another country, i don't think i could cope with that distance thing.
Thank god I met my partner here in the uk.
Its early days yet
He lives in london too only 20 minites away from each other
so all is fantastic here Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by marydot: [QUOTE]Its early days yet
He lives in london too only 20 minites away from each other
so all is fantastic here
I'm pleased for you Marydot
I'm starting to think as much as me and my partner love each other, the cultural differences may be too much
I hope when I visit him in September we can talk more about everything face to face as it's so hard over the phone. I hope we can work through things but if not then we have had happy time so far. It'll be very sad if it doesn't happen but I still want to give it the chance it deserves.
Only time will tell Posted by akshar (Member # 1680) on :
At least you will be making an informed decision
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by akshar: At least you will be making an informed decision
Yes I know you're right. Gonna hurt bad though if we realise it won't work But we'll live and better now than 10yrs down the line after making each other miserable.
Just hard to think of it when your feelings are strong for each other and its your culture that gets in the way. You never know, I might be wrong. I always have been a pessimist!! Posted by adelly (Member # 14574) on :
My husband and i have been through some tough things, but i dont regret any of it. Its been worth all of it
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by adelly: My husband and i have been through some tough things, but i dont regret any of it. Its been worth all of it
Yes, I don't want to give up on us just yet. Maybe I'm just feeling down cos I'm missing him and it's another 21wks till I can see him again. Plus my work is so busy here so I'm always tired.
Thanks to all for your kind words xx
Posted by adelly (Member # 14574) on :
Hang in there and time will pass. Keep busy and keep in touch with ur beloved.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by adelly: Hang in there and time will pass. Keep busy and keep in touch with ur beloved.
Thanks adelly. I think I have a tendancy to want to sort everything out on day one and to have so many difficult conversations (religion/family/children) one after the other, and on the phone where sometimes you can't always feel well, we're probably not doing it at the best time.
We still love each other even tho we've hit some tough disagreements so if we can keep communicating through those and then sit and speak face to face when we're together it'll be so much better. Posted by marydot (Member # 15932) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sponge:
quote:Originally posted by marydot: [QUOTE]Its early days yet
He lives in london too only 20 minites away from each other
so all is fantastic here
I'm pleased for you Marydot
I'm starting to think as much as me and my partner love each other, the cultural differences may be too much
I hope when I visit him in September we can talk more about everything face to face as it's so hard over the phone. I hope we can work through things but if not then we have had happy time so far. It'll be very sad if it doesn't happen but I still want to give it the chance it deserves.
Only time will tell
quote: the cultural differences may be too much
Why ?
Put aside the cultural differences for now, and learn more about each other,anyone can over come the cultural differences by learning and accepting new things that are different to your culture.
Stop worrying and it will be fine.
I cant say what will happen, because i just dont know, but take it easy, worrying about it will make it worse. Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by marydot: [QUOTE]Put aside the cultural differences for now, and learn more about each other,anyone can over come the cultural differences by learning and accepting new things that are different to your culture.
Thank you. I just always want everyone to be happy and I worry that he feels his family won't be happy if he marries a christian (and a not very religious one at that!) but deep down I think that once they get to know me more and they know how I feel about their son then they would be happy for us.
He knows how I live in England and is prepared to come here when/if we marry so he can't be too set in his ways?? I think you're right marydot, we have to concentrate on each other and how we are together, before we lay down the ground rules and start having discussions every minute on the serious stuff. It can drag you down sometimes.
Posted by adelly (Member # 14574) on :
Sponge i sent u pm
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by adelly: Sponge i sent u pm
Got it, just replied Posted by weirdkitty (Member # 15365) on :
There is no need to decide whether you want to marry him right this second. Get to know each other, and when you KNOW you want to live with him for the rest of your life, and KNOW you can live with him, that's when you go for it. Now just continue getting to know each other, there is no rush. Cultural differences are important, it isn't just a case of a tea drinker with a coffee drinker. Our culture helps define who we are and has a major influence over pretty much every aspect of our life. So it's all very romantic talking about following the heart etc etc, but the honeymoon period doesn't last forever and so you have to be practical too. So take it extremely slowly, and just see where it goes.
Posted by adelly (Member # 14574) on :
I replied to ur reply lol
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by weirdkitty: Now just continue getting to know each other, there is no rush. Cultural differences are important, it isn't just a case of a tea drinker with a coffee drinker. Our culture helps define who we are and has a major influence over pretty much every aspect of our life.
Yes wk, you're right. I imagine this happens a lot. Because you are so far apart and don't see each other often enough, the whole marriage thing seems the only way at first. But taking a step back is always a good idea and as much as I am a romantic, I'm also very logical so I hope I can meet the two in the middle Posted by marydot (Member # 15932) on :
Give yourself some breathing space, otherwise you go Nuts!
30 txt messages from my partner today since 8am this morning until now lol and he's only in the next town!!!
I will have to throw my mobile down the loo.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
quote:Originally posted by marydot: 30 txt messages from my partner today since 8am this morning until now lol and he's only in the next town!!!
Wish the txts between UK and Egypt were as cheap as town to town!!
And you know the minute you threw the phone down the loo you'd be fishing it out to check for another msg Posted by marydot (Member # 15932) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sponge:
quote:Originally posted by marydot: 30 txt messages from my partner today since 8am this morning until now lol and he's only in the next town!!!
Wish the txts between UK and Egypt were as cheap as town to town!!
And you know the minute you threw the phone down the loo you'd be fishing it out to check for another msg
Its only 11p in uk mobile to mobile. Posted by Monkey (Member # 17287) on :
If you get a Lebara sim, texts are 10p each UK to Egypt and calls 10p per minute. It is a bit of a faff though because you either have to get a dual sim phone (mine died ) or keep swapping sims, but might worth looking at.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
I think I get txts to Egypt for 12p but I can voice call from home for 5p per minute so that's better
Although my last months phone bill was £160!!
Posted by marydot (Member # 15932) on :
omg sponge get skype, but i think you said he does not have access to internet.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Only on his phone so I don't think he can use it??
Posted by Cheekyferret (Member # 15263) on :
I Skype the UK from my itouch using wifi and can msn and yahoo from both my itouch and Blackberry.
Itouch is purchase only and I pay 5le a day to use my Blackberry which includes worldwide BBM.
Both also have FB and itouch has FB chat.
I rarely have to SMS loved ones and vice versa.
Posted by marydot (Member # 15932) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sponge: Only on his phone so I don't think he can use it??
Oh i can now understand your frustrations then
Having no internet connection is like having toast without no butter Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
When he can get credit he gets online chat on his phone like MSN, but the internet signal is so bad that msgs get lost so we both start thinking we're ignoring each other!! And to have a conversation is tooo slow.
Just had a lovely two and half hours on phone though. Worth every penny of the £8 Posted by Shanta Gdeeda (Member # 9889) on :
If you send texts from Skype to Egypt (assuming you have skype credit), they cost about 6p English I think (might be even less, but my Skype comes up in Euros and I can't be bothered to sign on to it to check right now whatever, it;s definitely cheaper than sending to a UK phone.)
Only problem is, your person in Egypt can't use 'reply' but has to consciously select your phone number.
If you're on O2 you can get a bolton enabling you to make international texts for 10p. Cost me £4.99 as a one off charge about 4 years ago!
Posted by murray-mint77 (Member # 13080) on :
Also with LEBARA MOBILE if yr partner has an Egyptian landline (homephone) it only costs 1p a minute !!! thats better than calling in uk form a mobile to landline in most cases x I've got LEBARA its definately well worth the sim swapping....except for when u forget where u left the other one as i do most times LOL
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
No landline at home. The best way for me is to call from home phone to mobile with the internet based companies. Think I can get it for 5p a min.
Ahhh the cost of love eh. Posted by marydot (Member # 15932) on :
wow but it still mounts up sponge.
Get a mobile phone card international phone card can use it on the home phone or mobile.
Long distance calls i would not make unless really important.
Posted by Sponge (Member # 18715) on :
Yeah its a thought. Bit of a faff to change sims and I'll probably have to pay to get phone unlocked but worth it in the long run...
Posted by Jeky (Member # 19269) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sponge: I'd like to ask a few questions of the people who are in the UK married to Egyptian men. Here goes:
What is your religion and what is his? If he is muslim, is he strict muslim? and are you strongly religous?
Did you convert to Islam to marry? (not that this is something I'd do, but I'd like to hear others opinions on it)
The reason I ask is that my partner is from a strict muslim family who live in a very small village. No one tends to move in or out and I have been the first English person ever to visit their village or that they have ever met.
His family at this point don't know that we intend to marry as he is worried that when he tells them, they will say no because I am not muslim. I fully respect their religion and believe in a lot of the things that I already know but I'm not a particularly religious person.
I have visited his family and stayed at his house with his family twice (just as friends)and they know that I have married before. I talk to them when I ring him and he is with them (well, as much as we can with the language barrier!)and we all miss each other very much, but I worry when they find out we intend to marry they will try and end the relationship.
He has said that to him it doesn't matter of my religion and if I don't want to convert then this is ok. But he worries too much about his family.
Also, I would like to learn more about Islam and have my own opinion on it. If I were ever to convert, it would be for me and not just to keep a relationship. But a lot of the places I search just seem to be the bad things or so complicated I can't start to understand it all. Can you recommend any websites where I can a true picture of Islam.
So many questions in one post!
Posted by Jeky (Member # 19269) on :
ok, im new here, just registered today, and still not have time to read all posts, but i find this very interesting for several reasons... first, I have an Egyptian friend, he is Orthodox, im Chatolic. that realy not important now, but we talk alot about religion, and about Islam because he live in Cairo and he know very good muslim people and religion. and one thing we agree about is how can you "convert"??? If you realy trust in something then there is no change to that, no matter what or no matter who ask that from you. very good that you see that as your choice and if you ever accept Islam you will do it for you and not because somebody want you to do that. You have my respect to that. Im not very religios person to, but i could never change for anything because i realy trust in my religion, not only because i'm raised that way, but because i realy do believe. and can i ask how he see your religion? he ever think to convert to your religion? try to understand your religion? thanks PS. I apologize for my English, because I'm Croatian :-)
Posted by xblueskyx (Member # 12289) on :
quote:Originally posted by murray-mint77: ^^Yes that is the official wording as such..^^ (people of the book) but I feel to b honest it is far more accepted to marry one with no religion (to as far as atheist) than an idolator, (which does include the catholic religion) which is as far as im aware a religion of the book...thats why i don't like to state that term ''people of the book'' But that is just my personal opinion/view on things x
sorry i have not been here for what seems like years to post although i do come when bored and read, i dont normally say anything, and i know this post is old but i have to stick my oar in and say please dont give advice on islam by using your own personal opinion.. are you a muslim?? im guessing not as no muslim would say what you said. it is fact no muslim man can marry a non believer..
MARRIAGE WITH KUFFARS:
Marriages between Muslims and atheists are not permissible at all. In such cases, the man or woman should accept Islam before entering into a shar'ai legal "nikaah."
And do not marry Al-Mushrikats {idolatress, etc.} till they believe (worship Allah alone). And indeed a slave woman is better than a (free) Mushrikah {idolatress,
Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time.
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..one thing i have found ...talk to each other, find out what is bothering each other , and never go to bed mad at each other..communication is the key to a happy relationship ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
Looks like another fix it job for bodge-it and scarper!
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Last time I went all out to keep them at bay - smothered myself in repellent. They bit the soles of my feet while I was sleeping ![[Cool]](cool.gif)
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God only knows how i had such a reaction to islam since i never understood a word at that time.....since then i got more info from a local mosque, TRANSLATIONS ETC luckly i live in london so there are loads