posted
I'd like to ask a few questions of the people who are in the UK married to Egyptian men. Here goes:
What is your religion and what is his? If he is muslim, is he strict muslim? and are you strongly religous?
Did you convert to Islam to marry? (not that this is something I'd do, but I'd like to hear others opinions on it)
The reason I ask is that my partner is from a strict muslim family who live in a very small village. No one tends to move in or out and I have been the first English person ever to visit their village or that they have ever met.
His family at this point don't know that we intend to marry as he is worried that when he tells them, they will say no because I am not muslim. I fully respect their religion and believe in a lot of the things that I already know but I'm not a particularly religious person.
I have visited his family and stayed at his house with his family twice (just as friends)and they know that I have married before. I talk to them when I ring him and he is with them (well, as much as we can with the language barrier!)and we all miss each other very much, but I worry when they find out we intend to marry they will try and end the relationship.
He has said that to him it doesn't matter of my religion and if I don't want to convert then this is ok. But he worries too much about his family.
Also, I would like to learn more about Islam and have my own opinion on it. If I were ever to convert, it would be for me and not just to keep a relationship. But a lot of the places I search just seem to be the bad things or so complicated I can't start to understand it all. Can you recommend any websites where I can a true picture of Islam.
So many questions in one post! Posts: 171 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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posted
Just do what a lot of westerners who marry Egyptians and follow no faith do... either hold your ground and be proud of your beliefs or lie and convert just to please his family and keep them off your back.
If you do convert to Islam that is all well and good but it already looks like you are only considering it to please others.
Just my view Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
Thanks Cheekyferret, this is my point though I don't want to do it to please others because then what is the point? If you convert because of someone else then you can't be a good muslim so it is pointless.
One of the main things that I can't get my head round is the covering of the hair. I don't have a problem with dressing fairly modestly, but I don't really understand the hair thing. When I visit mosques in Cairo and I have to cover my hair, I find it quite uncomfortable, especially when it's hot as I'm used to the UK temps! But is this more a culture or religion thing? At the moment when I visit his village I don't cover my hair (I do cover my body though) but I think if we were to marry then this would be different.
It's all about give and take and I'd quite happily do this when visiting his village just as he will have to adapt to so many things when he comes to the UK, I think more difficult things for him as the UK is so different to anything he has known.
Posts: 171 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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posted
Like I said though, you don't have to be a Muslim, just be a Muslim on paper. Whether you suck or not at it is irrelevant... as long as his Mummy is happy
I know Egyptian Muslims who don't cover their hair... but as you will soon see there will be a debate about which Muslim is right or wrong in how the Quran is interpreted re this!
Personally, I could never even bother myself with all that to please one man and his family, they either love me and take me for all that I am or they can kiss my lily white ass.
I am not knocking you, just trying to give a non religious perspective on a seriously dominated religious board! I get away from religion on here and go walking in Cairo, it is way more relaxed Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Sponge: At the moment when I visit his village I don't cover my hair (I do cover my body though) but I think if we were to marry then this would be different.
Why?
quote:Originally posted by Sponge: He has said that to him it doesn't matter of my religion and if I don't want to convert then this is ok. But he worries too much about his family.
I might be a cynic, but for me this would be a big red warning flag. Unless your man is of an exceptionally strong and independent mindset, his family/conservative background are very likely to become a major problem.
Posts: 2803 | Registered: Feb 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Sponge: At the moment when I visit his village I don't cover my hair (I do cover my body though) but I think if we were to marry then this would be different.
Why?
quote:Originally posted by Sponge: He has said that to him it doesn't matter of my religion and if I don't want to convert then this is ok. But he worries too much about his family.
I might be a cynic, but for me this would be a big red warning flag. Unless your man is of an exceptionally strong and independent mindset, his family/conservative background are very likely to become a major problem.
Totally agree with specially Dalia´s last paragraph.Family is an extremely tight and influential bond in Egypt,and its almost 99% certain that if his family disagrees,or doesnt want you as his wife,he will ever marry you no matter what.
Better sound cynic but honest than lie just for the sake of sounding nicey nice,Dalia.
Posts: 3833 | From: here,there,everywhere | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
Family isn't so influential imo in higher class families, major cities and younger people. Just my view of what I see around me. More and more folk are travelling abroad for work and to make families. Like I say, imo.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
I'm atheist and hubby is Muslim. Our flat in Egypt is in a very conservative area, but I don't cover my hair (once or twice perhaps but simply because I think it can look nice). I think his family think I'm Christian, but considering I have "atheist" on my FB, and have his brothers and sister on there, it's the worst kept secret lol. If you want to learn about Islam, don't go to any site, just read the Quran, start to finish. I did and I know it is not for me at all, but it was useful to understand my husband more.
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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Also, re the family thing watch how many blokes don't give a damn about their birth kids but use the 'famnily' tale regularly as an excuse noit to man up to their mothers. The longer I live here the more I see dudes who smoke, drink and act all tough till mommy calls and it isn't respect, it is fear they will be kicked out and tild to fend for themselves.
Am not saying this is across the board but I am saying Egypt is not as mundane and as run of the mill folk will have you believe.
I met a muslim once who vowed if I dated him he would cheat on me, I asked him if this was because he was muslim and disrespected me, he told me 'no, it is because I am a man' lmao... Gotta love the honesty!!!
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
Im an american married to an egyptian. I am muslim, but i converted to islam in usa. If u plan to convert, it should be for yourself because you want to.
Posts: 313 | From: maadi cairo | Registered: Dec 2007
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quote:Originally posted by weirdkitty: I think his family think I'm Christian
I suppose that's an idea, I could just tell them I'd converted?!
Joke!!
But yes, you are all right. As I have said in other threads, it's eary days and we have spoken about marriage, children etc but I still want to be sure before any of this happens, and if I feel that his family will want to 'rule' our relationship then obviously that would be a problem. Certainly because I'm too strongminded to be ruled by anyone!!
I just think you should know everything about someone before you marry them, and that includes their beliefs and cultures.
Posts: 171 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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posted
His parents don't even know you are planning to marry yet? You would have thought with so much respect in Egypt towards parents he would have told them by now.
Perhaps he is waiting for you to convert... no pressure
Dalia made a valid point, why do you think the covering aspect would change after marriage?
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
I think that it's about showing his family once we marry that I respect their culture/religion.
It's a complicated story really because the first time I visited him and his family I was still married and my husband and I had huge problems when we were there. My husband was a very controlling and jealous man and he thought that us being in Egypt was part of our marital problems and accused me of wanting to be with any man that I spoke to over there, including my now partner. This is something he did wherever we were, never mind Egypt. I have to add that my partner was NOTHING at all to do with my marriage breakdown.
My ex made it very clear at the time that he felt this and it was quite an awkward holiday where the family were a bit oblivious but my now partner felt so bad as he felt my husband blamed him/his friends/his family (he did, and to his face too). In reality my ex just liked to blame anyone but himself for his own failings. But that is another story.
His parents obviously now know that me and my ex are not together but we want to wait to tell them that we are together as we don't want them to think that something was going on before me and my ex split or that I have just flitted from one man to the other. Our relationship has grown from friendship over time. I plan to visit him later in the year and we will tell them then.
I can feel I'm going to get a total slating from people now so I'll brace myself.
Posts: 171 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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posted
Thanks Marydot, and thanks for not judging again.
Because I have been married 'and' he knew me when I was married 'and' he is younger 'and' he is Egyptian 'and' 'and' 'and' I constantly feel like people will just put me in the stupid sucker category that I've read so much about.
And I shouldn't have to justify my relationship but you can't help but feel you do.
and you're right, I want his family to know as soon as possible but I would like to be there when he tells them so they know we're serious.
Posts: 171 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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posted
I am not going to slate you. It's not my business. I can offer my thoughts though and what you choose to make of them is up to you
If I were in your shoes I would be wanting to know why his family were not aware of any impending marriage. I think personally that is where respect for me would commence.
And also, why would anyone cover etc to respect others cultures or beliefs, I would be suggesting they respect my cultures and beliefs and back the hell off.
Give, take... compromise. I respect you, you respect me. Khalas.
I am quite sure that in the Western culture you can understand that holding info or lying to family is not really a good idea. I would never not tell my mom if I were to marry!
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
And as for converting and not meaning it, I didn't say it was moral... but it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
Keep it real folks
Look at all the western dudes with Egyptian teen brides who are supping beer in bars and gambling and having the odd spliff... you think they have Islam in their hearts? No, they got fit wives in their beds and a piece of paper making it legit.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
I'm not saying we would marry without telling them, it was just because of our situation that we wanted the time to be right. We're not planning on marrying anytime soon and we'd want them and my family to be involved.
I can see all your points Cheekyferret and I know what you're trying to say. Thanks Posts: 171 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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posted
I have a daughter from a previous relationship and was married. His family have accecpted this, and treat my daughter like their grand daughter. His family let us stay together in a room alone after only knowing each other 4 months !!
There has never been any secrets between my hubby and his family, they were a little upset that we had not married sooner,and had a baby sooner lol however i would not marry a guy in the uk after knowing him such a short time, so why do it just because he lived in Egypt? We married after being together two years, his father signed our wedding certifcate, and his family came to the wedding reception. I am sure his family would have loved ofr their son to marry a lovely muslim Egyptian girl, not a foreigner with a child, who has been married before. However they have accepted it, and are very open minded.
Im christian but cant remember last time I went to church think it was when my daughter did a christmas nativity when she was at nursery, next time will be with A to attend my brothers wedding. My husband is muslim but not strict the only thing he does not do is eat pork,although i eat it in front of him.
I NEVER covered my head, nor do i intend to , and he or his family have never asked me to. I dont really cover up in Cairo i wear what i would in the uk top and jeans or 3/4.
Our daughter will choose her religion and be taught about both. She will attend a C of E school as there the only schools round where i live, not down to religion.
The only time me and my husband and his family actually them vs me was wen we talk about the Royal family, and that being Diane was murdered in france because of her relationship with an egyptian muslim man Dodie, i say no it was a terrible accident, they fume pmsl ( also they hate camilla)
You both need to respect each others belief and culture because if u dont, ur relationship wont last.x
posted
Yes you're completely right LIAJ, we have only really been in this relationship for maybe 6months and I'm not going to rush into anything just to get him across here (although I do wish flights to Cairo were cheaper!!)
And yes, we do need to respect each others beliefs and cultures. I think the only reason I struggle with it is that I've always been fairly easy going with beliefs and I don't really think I have a 'culture' a such over here. He has far stronger beliefs in his religion/culture etc. I think the only thing he doesn't do all the time is pray 5 times a day. Apart from that he's a fairly strict muslim (although I don't know everything about the religion!) But yes, that doesn't mean I should bend over backwards and change myself or do things I don't want to do.
I've never had a long distance relationship, and not seeing someone for six months is horrendous (I have another five months to wait... it's only been 5wks since I saw him and it feels like a lifetime!) but I can't let that cloud my judgement on the relationship and think that I'll do anything to be with him. I'm sure that if we keep talking and respect each others feelings then we'll get there in the end. If not then it'll have been nice while it lasted. I'm old enough to know there are no guarantees in life.
Posts: 171 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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posted
I am Christian but I have to say I am not deeply religious. Hubby and his family are Muslim but not overly devout. I hear stories of men who look to their wives to change after they marry but I have to say nothing has changed since I married. I would not have reverted and he would not ever have expected me to. I am completely accepted the way I am. I don't dress in an inapropriate way anyway. A long distance relationship is very hard going I know as others here can confirm but if a relationship is worth it you will cope. Not rushing into things is the one thing I would advocate.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
I am Muslim but don't live in UK anymore coz I'm here but I will stick my piece in anyway.
I converted for me 2 years before I met my hubby so I was covered when we met. I met th family the day after I met him.
As cheeky said you could convert on paper to keep them happy, but that's not a good idea for reasons stated and best to do it for YOU.
Also agree with WK, skip the websites and read Quran but the ONLY one I would recommend to you for now is the Penguin Classics 'Koran' translated by NJ Dawood, short paperback, no 'comments from Hadith' and no Arabic.
Covering hair is NOT in Quran. You will cover your hair in a mosque as you will also here in a Coptic church if you were in there praying.
I fully agree with Dalia and TL. From the sounds of it he is not as 'modern' as the Egyptians in Cairo and the family 'could' be a huge problem for you. Family is law here, he has to be quite strong to go his way if it's against family. This can become more of a problem with those not used to foreigners, which those in Cairo are, not in his village though. I think if you're not planning on marrying yet then he needs to tell his family asap, seems now that you are doing all you can, he needs to deal with this matter NOW so you can then deal with the reaction, which might lead to the converting on paper being the only option. You need to know now how this will go and what HE will do before you really go any further. Personally I wouldn't wait to be there to tell them, I would let him do this without you. Might sound odd but this is 'family' business and kind of doesn't 'involve' you until they accept it or at least know about your intentions. Egypt is very diverse, all people are very different and it sounds like your man is not similar to those ferret will know and WK's hubby although WK's hubby's family might be more similar. I'm picking this up from the 'strict Muslim family in very small village' comment.
The village has seen you without your hair covered so there is no reason to start covering it. When I met my in laws I was covered because I did then, now I don't and no one has mentioned me not covering either. They have seen me sweating enough though
You sound like you're quite 'wise' and you are getting some good advice from all angles, which is good, but really he needs to tell family or at the very least ASK them what they would think IF he was considering marrying you, that way he is asking their advice on him wanting to marry a foreigner for love, that way he will know what he's got to deal with.
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
although I do wish flights to Cairo were cheaper!!)
We are going to cairo in two weeks, although booking flights tomorrow. The flight prices are horrendous direct flight with egypt air were coming in over a 1,000 pp !!!! so think we are flying to sharm then getting a domestic flight cairo. Anyone know of any cheap flights atm, and that are direct and egyptians can fly with xx
posted
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Ayisha: [QUOTE] From the sounds of it he is not as 'modern' as the Egyptians in Cairo and the family 'could' be a huge problem for you. [QUOTE] Yes I know what you mean, he does work in a tourist area so knows more about the Western life, but he's very much a family man and it's important to him what his family thinks.
[QUOTE] I think if you're not planning on marrying yet then he needs to tell his family asap, seems now that you are doing all you can, he needs to deal with this matter NOW so you can then deal with the reaction, which might lead to the converting on paper being the only option. You need to know now how this will go and what HE will do before you really go any further. Personally I wouldn't wait to be there to tell them, I would let him do this without you. [QUOTE]
Completely understand this, and now you put it that way, yes - for him to tell them when I'm not there is probably for the best. In their village they still have a man who all the people go to to sort out problems so I think it's as traditional as you get (I'm not a particularly well-travelled person!)
The family (and village) have accepted me so well so far, the days we have to say goodbye is terrible, his whole family and best friends crying, I normally start a couple of days before I leave! I just hope that they can see through their strict tradition and see me for the person I am and be happy for their son. They have obviously accepted him working away from the village and the 'normal' things their family do so maybe??
Posts: 171 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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quote:Originally posted by Life is a journey: We are going to cairo in two weeks, although booking flights tomorrow. The flight prices are horrendous direct flight with egypt air were coming in over a 1,000 pp !!!! so think we are flying to sharm then getting a domestic flight cairo. Anyone know of any cheap flights atm, and that are direct and egyptians can fly with xx
I normally fly from North West and the cheapest website I find is travelsupermarket. I never go direct though because as you say it'd be horrendous prices. Im going September and best price I can get is £355. Do you have to go direct?
Posts: 171 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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posted
Thats a lot, especially if ur booking know ?? yeah gotta fly direct otherwise need transit visa for (A) and just cant be bothered getting them. Just in middle of A getting schenagan visa, so we can go to spain for a holiday x
posted
Ah right... I'm just looking at getting a flight to Sharm, stay in hotel for a few nights then bus to Cairo and fly back from there. Never know if it's cheaper just to get return ticket or buy seperate flights?!
Have a good holiday in Spain Posts: 171 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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Yesterday my family has finally accepted me and islam after all these's years.
You may ask why.
Yesterday my sister she asked me what if i died before her, was there any special arrangemnts to be made with my body. we have discussed this.
So yes family is so very important.
This is why i said dont convert for him or his family or anyone convert for your own self.
I'm so happy i have my family back to me.
ok enough about me !!!
Take it slow sponge and dont go worrying about everything in one time, you cant take too much on board at one time.
Posts: 1048 | From: If you are given a blessing you may be envied | Registered: Oct 2008
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In Jan for the revolution I flew Air France as they were £350 from Cairo to Manchester with a lay over in Holland (night stay over inc) and in March I flew direct EA as they were £300 direct from Heathrow. (BA were £300 but the short notice and inconvenience of landing in London at night weren't worth the generosity of them offering to put on extra flights to 'evacuate' us)
I have found that Air France (KLM) and EA are competitive. Last year I also flew direct with BA for £200 to Heathrow (not happy they charged £300 for evacuee flights!!) so it is best to play around with dates either side and look at the three websites.
I await the day EA or BA fly direct to Birmingham. I hate lay overs and Heathrow and Manchester are both a way away from where I need to get to.
I looked at the direct to Sharm flights from the Mids and Sharm to Cairo would only save me about £100 but take me way too long with bother to even attempt I spend that in transit on tat to pass the time!
I arrived back on Thursday so my figures are pretty up to date Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
Never convert for a man or a family, convert because that is what you believe.
There is no reason why a Muslim man can not marry a Christian woman. It is accepted in the Koran and the prophet Mohammed did it himself
The family is the big thing, if you marry and they don't buy into it then he will always be torn and eventually one side will win out and from what you describe of him it will be his family.
There is no reason to cover your hair, some Muslims do, some Muslims don't.
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
Sponge, enjoy the fun while it last. Without a doubt there is some excitement in the relationship and as they say absence makes the heart grows fonder as you both live apart from each other. But marriages are no easy game and considering your love interest comes from a completely different cultural and religious background it's double as hard. You can only know so much about him, his family, his lifestyle, his mentality while visiting him every other couple of months. Once you will live together this will be the true eye opener but things might just be a little too late then since you have already signed the marriage papers.
So many women have been in exactly the same circumstances before, for some it worked out, for most of them not. The converting part yes or no: As you already realized by yourself you should make this big decision not to please anyone. If you look into this matter it can take years until you fully accept the idea of Islam - since you already pointed out yourself that you are not a particular religious person - or perhaps you will never. A lot of these Egyptians say in the beginning of the relationship that they don't mind your religious status since they want to please you. They will say anything to get a relationship with you started. But usually after the marriage it can become a big issue especially if the guy transforms into a more pious person than you thought he was. And believe me religion is to most Egyptians like food and water. Islam dictates their whole life from the morning to the evening. Just also keep in mind any children you will have with your boyfriend will have to grow up as Muslims.
IMHO see where the relationship with your Egyptian boyfriend goes. Perhaps he's just a rebound guy and you will settle eventually with someone else. All the best.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
There is no reason why a Muslim family shouldn't accept a Christian. If your partner tries the old "convert just to please them, it's my culture" etc, tell him where to go. And I would discuss in detail what he expects after marriage, I would be wary if things could suddenly change.
Re flights: I was quite impressed we found a flight for Sam here for only £140, direct with BMI. When I fly I only go BMI or Egyptair. They always seem the cheapest direct to Cairo. Although babies don't pay for a seat, there is still a tax, costing from £30-£60. So last three times I've travelled with him the flight for me and Zain was about £320-£420. Sadly the next time we go to Egypt zain will e over two so paying for a Childs ticket. Two adults and a child, ouch.
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
The BMI seats on their little airbus have seats just the right size for Zain!!! If I was ever to have to attempt the brace position on one of them chugalugs I would bash my head off the seat in front of me
Flight prices fluctuate so much that it really is a good idea to look around.
And yes, check what will change after you marry (or owns you as some may interpret ) You may find yourself being one of 4 wives with the pressure of paying for all the families ill health, deaths and Uni qualifications!
On a positive note though, there are many happy folk here in mixed marriages but generally the woman really puts her foot down... Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by weirdkitty: And I would discuss in detail what he expects after marriage, I would be wary if things could suddenly change.
Exactly. Don't expect to work it out later, lay it all down, even – or especially – the issues a Westerner wouldn't initially think of. What is his/his family's position on female circumcision (in case you might have a daughter at some point), second wife (is it ok to put a clause in the marriage contract giving the first wife the right to divorce immediately in case he should marry another), you travelling alone, having male friends? How will the incomes be divided (separate or joint bank accounts etc.), where and how will you live, who will provide the apartment, furniture etc. …
Posts: 2803 | Registered: Feb 2007
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posted
Absolutely right Dalia. And it isn't unromantic or distrustful to figure out a carefully drawn up prenup. [Well it is, actually, but it is the system here]. And it is ALL about money in the end. I was speaking to a friend yesterday about this subject, he was telling me that when he married his wife the negotiations [at the time of the proposed engagement] was convoluted, involving both families, lasted weeks ... horrible [and 5 years later she left him for his best friend and got everything, including their son. ha] I would very seriously [Very] suggest that you could spend a year or two living happily with an Orfi, get a feel for it. What is it with Western women anyway? If you meet a guy in your home country you don't start planning weddings within the first 6 months do you? And bugger it, your own culture has a few rights too you know.Please don't end up like a few women I've met who scuttle around disguised as Egyptian women, and are either fake Moslems, or at the other extreme, the only real practising Moslem in the family. And some of these village guys do expect you to stay home 24/7, no popping out for coffee, he gets the groceries, etc, so even though I'm sure he's adorable, after marriage you mey find a cultural gap that will astonish you.
Posts: 1399 | From: alexandria | Registered: Jan 2002
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I think that most of your thoughts have the same vain of though and you're right. It's just good to bash around thoughts and ideas with people who have been there/are knowledgeable about the faith and cultures which is something I need to learn more about.
TBH I can't see me converting, not because I don't believe, but because I'm not a religious person and the thought of having to do something just to please someone else makes me even more determined not to do it for that reason! I'm not saying that years down the line it wouldn't be right for me, but to do it just to marry or be accepted is completely wrong and would be an insult to the religion.
We do talk a lot about how things would be in the future eg sitting with men alone/alcohol etc and some things I'm prepared to compromise on, as will he, others no way and he knows that. I think he will find it hard for me to always be the breadwinner in the relationship (I don't think he could find a job as well paid as mine in the UK) he does want to provide for me, but he understands that I will always work as this is something I do because I enjoy (well ok, if money was no option I'd maybe work a bit less!) and I'm certainly not the 'stay at home' type.
We've talked about children and how I believe that the responsibility to take care of the children should be for both mother and father and he agrees with this, I have seen him at home with his younger brothers and sisters and he is quite hands on with them (although I know it's easier to give them back when they're not your own!) One of his brothers is totally the other way, very much the woman should do all this work, but he's the minority in the family. I think because my partner has mixed with Westerners more, he knows that there is another way of living out there and appreciates that.
I think at the end of the day it's all about taking time to make sure everything's right before rushing into marriage etc just so we can be together in the UK. But your help and advice and info in the meantime is very reassuring Posts: 171 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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quote:Originally posted by Mo Ning Min E: Absolutely right Dalia. And it isn't unromantic or distrustful to figure out a carefully drawn up prenup. [Well it is, actually, but it is the system here]. And it is ALL about money in the end. I was speaking to a friend yesterday about this subject, he was telling me that when he married his wife the negotiations [at the time of the proposed engagement] was convoluted, involving both families, lasted weeks ... horrible [and 5 years later she left him for his best friend and got everything, including their son. ha] I would very seriously [Very] suggest that you could spend a year or two living happily with an Orfi, get a feel for it. What is it with Western women anyway? If you meet a guy in your home country you don't start planning weddings within the first 6 months do you? And bugger it, your own culture has a few rights too you know.Please don't end up like a few women I've met who scuttle around disguised as Egyptian women, and are either fake Moslems, or at the other extreme, the only real practising Moslem in the family. And some of these village guys do expect you to stay home 24/7, no popping out for coffee, he gets the groceries, etc, so even though I'm sure he's adorable, after marriage you mey find a cultural gap that will astonish you.
i agree totally with you. the culture gap is astonishing, but we made it through for 6 years and am still going strong ..one thing i have found ...talk to each other, find out what is bothering each other , and never go to bed mad at each other..communication is the key to a happy relationship Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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i agree totally with you. the culture gap is astonishing, but we made it through for 6 years and am still going strong ..one thing i have found ...talk to each other, find out what is bothering each other , and never go to bed mad at each other..communication is the key to a happy relationship [/QUOTE]
Indeed it is!!
Good to know there are people out there who have worked through the culture gap. I suppose that it depends on the size of the gap though and that's where it can be easier/harder to overcome Posts: 171 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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it was tough for a while but thank God we managed to get through it..everyday is a challenge, but you can overcome this if you are truly in love... one thing i really love about my husband is that before he leaves for work or when he calls on the phone during his work day, he never fails to say " i love you "...my heart skips a beat even to this day Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Chef Mick: one thing i really love about my husband is that before he leaves for work or when he calls on the phone during his work day, he never fails to say " i love you "...my heart skips a beat even to this day
Yes I know what you mean, before we even start a conversation on the phone he says this, it's the little things that are so important.
But before everyone says that it's the other things you need to think about, I know! It's just nice to talk about the nice things once in a while... thanks CM Posts: 171 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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You say you will always be the breadwinner as you can earn more money than him. Be careful
I was married before to a Syrian, in the UK. He was a graduate of Damascus University and the Sorbonne. Despite this he could never get a job that even covered childcare costs. So for the twelve years of our marriage i worked, very well paid as I was an IT consultant and he stayed at home.
He hated it, it undermined him in every way, he cried when he drove me to the station to catch the train to work, heavily pregnant. He died of cancer. The doctor thought the operation had got it all but two years after he got secondaries. I often wonder if he would have lived if he had been in his own country, being the typical man supporting his wife.
When I married my Egyptian husband it made me determined that our life would be in Egypt where he would have dignity and respect, be the traditional husband and that has been successful. He would have shriveled up and died if he could not have been the leader in the relationship.
So be careful moving a traditional Arab away from his role as a man, his family, his culture, his religion as practised in Egypt, his entire way of life, his music, his mosque etc etc etc. They are like a good wine, they don't travel well
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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quote:Originally posted by akshar: When I married my Egyptian husband it made me determined that our life would be in Egypt where he would have dignity and respect, be the traditional husband and that has been successful. He would have shriveled up and died if he could not have been the leader in the relationship.
So be careful moving a traditional Arab away from his role as a man, his family, his culture, his religion as practiced in Egypt, his entire way of life, his music, his mosque etc etc etc. They are like a good wine, they don't travel well
Yes I can see what you mean.
Living in the UK for the rest of my life is not a definite. If he came here and felt he couldn't live here for whatever reason, then I would consider it. Although I'm not sure I could find a job in Egypt that easy.
I guess you have the same problems with the North/South divide of the UK... it's just a bigger scale! Some people just can't live out of their comfort zone.
Posts: 171 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011
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..one thing i have found ...talk to each other, find out what is bothering each other , and never go to bed mad at each other..communication is the key to a happy relationship 
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