My husband seems to have a very strange relationship with his family via the telephone.
He missess them and wants to hear from them. therefore he calls them a couple of times a week, but everytime he screams at them and scolds them like they were children.
And they accept it. He is the oldest son but how can they accept this? And I have asked him and encouraged him to be nice but he always falls in this pattern. He is like a very strict father with them.
Is this cultural? Or has my family in law just some very strange way of communicating?
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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Egyptians in general have a very loud way to communicate with each other. I remember that very well.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Matter of social class, just like in our society. If children are raised by screaming parents ( or worse) they will de the same when they're adult...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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I realize that but honestly if I were his mother i'd be soooo fed up with him. And even though he loves them so much and is worried about them, calling them just leaves him grumpy, annoyed and really upset.
I dread those phone calls. Why can't it be pleasant?
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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Social class? I don't really think that screaming is excluded to some social class. it is just a force of habit and character mixed together.
Of course I do worry that this screaming habit will continue into our family - it happens that we scream, i.e. me and my husband. I sure hope that he will not continue this habit with our child.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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Not excluded, but in common. To be honest majority of the people I know are screaming to each other. It's a lack in communication-skills. Even when you're angry and irritated, its possible to express that without shouting. To me it's uncivilised, shouting against other people....
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Believe me your husband and family love each other. I once mentioned that to my ex when he was talking back to his mother in a very loud voice and all what I got from him was a 'That's none of your business!" (well he apologized later on) but remember the Italians are pretty much the same way. Very emotional, very loud! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Sorry to say this but from what you tell us... your husband sounds like a jerk all around.
Egyptians are loud talkers but yelling and scolding aren't usually part of it for normal conversations.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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Mother War i have to agree with you, i have never heard my man raise his voice in anger. He is a very controlled man who can let you know with his words, in no uncertain terms, when he is angry but he says to shout or scold people is disrespectful and shows a lack of communication. I have shouted at him when i have been angry and he tells me that this is not acceptable behaviour and he is right.
Posts: 1797 | From: By my husband's side | Registered: Nov 2007
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I have never heard my husband raise his voice at his sisters. Even when they are just about screaming at him he is very calm and gentle with them. He's the same way with me and I've yelled myself but I find when I do that with him and he answers me in a calm voice I tend to calm down myself. I love that about him.
However..............I have heard him talk very very loudly with his friends on the phone!!! lol.
My ex is Italian and OMG. The first time I met his family was Easter Sunday and there were approx 40 people there and I thought at one point they were gonna kill each other and in the next few minutes they were hugging and kissing each other like crazy. Coming from a quiet family myself that took a lil getting used to!
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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My Egyptian mom has loud voice too when telephoning or when she called a helper from window to the street. But that to show people that she's strong woman only.
Posts: 756 | From: ...be solution... | Registered: Jul 2007
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"My ex is Italian and OMG. The first time I met his family was Easter Sunday and there were approx 40 people there and I thought at one point they were gonna kill each other and in the next few minutes they were hugging and kissing each other like crazy. Coming from a quiet family myself that took a lil getting used to!"
These were exactly the same observations I had. Raising the voice against a family member doesn't necessarily means anger or something like that. It's just the way they deal with each other. It's another mentality. It took me also some time getting used to it.
To Anthropos:
Please remember your husband and his family are seperated from each other so it easily can get very emotional on the phone.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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I think that someone (anthropos) would know the difference between shouting and screaming in an aggressive way.
My guess is, from what she is saying, it is aggressive screaming, not jolly lighthearted loud voices or passion.
Anthropos, i hate to tell you this, but if this is his way of communicating with his family, and with you, it is likely that it will be his way of communicating with your child too, but i hope i am proved wrong x
Posts: 644 | Registered: Jul 2007
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I asked my husband about this very thing. It drives me crazy that I cannot watch a single programme on TV without there being screaming and slapping. Today for the first time in 18 months I saw one programme!!!!! I watched it all the way through, something I cannot do normally. I watch about 3 mins then have to turn it over. It was Fatafeat a cooking programme and NO shouting!! but I could have fallen asleep it was so boring to watch!! haha
The husband said the low classes shout at each other. The nouveau riche also scream.
The better classes dont scream and for someone to scream at a mother and sister is so bad, so disrespectful and low.
You can tell a lot about someone from the way the son treats his mother and sisters in this culture and shouting and screaming is a definite indicator of class from what I have seen.
Posts: 3416 | Registered: Oct 2007
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I laughed that you were able to watch one program. Marbrook! I know what you mean, watching anything on TV with my in laws is a test in patience. I have given up.
Fatafeat, I love that cooking show, which program were you watching?
I also think it has alot to do with aggression. From what I have seen the more naturally calm people hardly ever, if never, raise their voices. My husband and his mother are two of these rare breeds...but the rest of them...god help me.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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I agree. My husband is not upper class or nouveau riche by any stretch, he never raises his voice in anger at his mother or sisters. I can tell by picking up bits and pieces of the conversation and in the inflection in his voice when they're having a disagreement. He talks loud on the phone to them because of the connection but he certainly isn't shouting or screaming in anger.
quote:Originally posted by crisálida: Personally I think its more an indicator of agression than class.
quote:Originally posted by doodlebug: I have never heard my husband raise his voice at his sisters. Even when they are just about screaming at him he is very calm and gentle with them. He's the same way with me and I've yelled myself but I find when I do that with him and he answers me in a calm voice I tend to calm down myself. I love that about him.
However..............I have heard him talk very very loudly with his friends on the phone!!! lol.
Why would he raise his voice at you dear? How else would he get you to keep sending over money.
Posts: 39 | From: New York | Registered: Jan 2008
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I have one! And I am happy to say it doesn't involve sending money to my husband in Egypt and listening to him beg for it. Thank you dear!
Posts: 39 | From: New York | Registered: Jan 2008
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I have one! And I am happy to say it doesn't involve sending money to my husband in Egypt and listening to him beg for it. Thank you dear!
But your life involves making up false id's for the sole purpose of baiting me? I guess I should be flattered that you've gone to all this trouble over me. Thank you so much for your hard work! Do you dream about me as well or is this just a daytime hobby of yours? Posts: 20 | Registered: Jan 2008
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Oh my, another 'stalker and baiter' of poor old Doodlebug. 'I heart Egypt'...better watch out or you will be falsely accused of hacking her yahoo; ringing her at work; and God knows what other lies. I have little time for trolls but clearly Doodlebug knows whom you are. Please enlighten the rest of us?
Posts: 1157 | From: Censor - Edit - Delete, but you will never take away my FREEDOM! | Registered: Dec 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Lumos: Oh my, another 'stalker and baiter' of poor old Doodlebug. 'I heart Egypt'...better watch out or you will be falsely accused of hacking her yahoo; ringing her at work; and God knows what other lies. I have little time for trolls but clearly Doodlebug knows whom you are. Please enlighten the rest of us?
I assumed it was you. Again I'm flattered. Do you get dizzy talking to yourself though? Posts: 20 | Registered: Jan 2008
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You really don't get how utterly stupid you look, do you, Doodlebug? I pity you...you are a sad, sad person who is so desperate for validation that you see even criticism as flattery. 'IHE' is absolutely right about you. Posts: 1157 | From: Censor - Edit - Delete, but you will never take away my FREEDOM! | Registered: Dec 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Lumos: You really don't get how utterly stupid you look, do you, Doodlebug? I pity you...you are a sad, sad person who is so desperate for validation that you see even criticism as flattery. 'IHE' is absolutely right about you.
posted
Doodlebug- I am not Lumos. Believe it or not, there is more than one person out there who sees through you.
I really wonder what is wrong with you on a regular basis. Are you seriously happy with your life married to a man who cried on the phone for you to send money when you are in such bad shape yourself. Maybe you should tend to your children so they don't turn out as messed up as you are.
Posts: 39 | From: New York | Registered: Jan 2008
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Isn't it about time for you to run bleating to the mods now, Doodlebug? That's what you do, everytime someone tells you a truth you dislike. I pity you.
Posts: 1157 | From: Censor - Edit - Delete, but you will never take away my FREEDOM! | Registered: Dec 2007
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No reason for the mods. You both are just getting whatever it is you need to get out of your system. I hope it makes you feel better because I love you both so very much. Posts: 20 | Registered: Jan 2008
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Aw, shucks, Doodlebug...I'm touched by your insincerity. I thought there was only one of 'us'? You now see two? Doodle, Doodle...please try to be consistent, over at least a few posts? Baby steps, shnookums ... baby steps! Posts: 1157 | From: Censor - Edit - Delete, but you will never take away my FREEDOM! | Registered: Dec 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Lumos: Isn't it about time for you to run bleating to the mods now, Doodlebug? That's what you do, everytime someone tells you a truth you dislike. I pity you.
oh yes, classic doodle. she's quite well at tattling in other forms too. must have forgot to take her meds again
Posts: 82 | From: Egypt | Registered: Jan 2008
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