posted
Searching on the net, i've found this and i thought...lately, we seem to forget what is truly important... and i've felt the need to share this with you...
The values we live by are worth more when we pass them on....
Unconditional Love is the Answer
There was a time in my life I became afraid to love. Because all those times I fell in love, I got hurt. I thought maybe that's why it's called "falling" in love.
I would give my all, loving deeply and wholeheartedly. It would be a truly emotional, extremely euphoric experience. I would dream about the object of my affection all day and all night, imagining good times together, thinking of what I can do or give him to show how much I cared. I would feel light as a feather, energized and excited, literally blooming with the joy I felt inside. Then somehow something would go wrong and my whole world would crash. Disappointment. Resentment. Anger. Pain.
Why? Can we not love without pain? Is disappointment really a price to pay for all the happiness we feel when we're in love? Should we blindly accept that because we love we get hurt?
It was only after many years of soul-searching and internalizing inspirational writings that I discovered that I can love without getting hurt. I finally understood that unconditional love was the answer.
Love is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. It is the fire that burns inside, the essence of being. Love is the source of all our comfort and contentment. It is a precious gift that defines our purpose in life. If we keep in mind that we can indeed preserve its true meaning, we can love to the fullest and be happy the rest of our lives.
Accept that people express love in different ways.
How do YOU express your love? You say "I love you" three times a day, you kiss and embrace him every chance you get, you never forget your anniversaries, and you always prepare his favorite dishes. How does HE express his love? He rarely says "I love you", he seldom kisses you, he forgets your birthday, and he doesn't even try to cook. But he works overtime, walks the dog, helps you with the laundry, takes you to the movies, and calls you "Honey". He probably loves you as much as you love him, he just shows it differently. If you can accept that difference then you can have a healthier perspective of your relationship.
Derive happiness from giving love.
When you love, do it because you want to. There is indescribable joy in loving. Just give it. And cherish the satisfaction in having given someone something of yourself. It's like giving a gift. Whether it is appreciated or not, find joy in simply giving.
Love without expecting anything in return.
Now this is where pain comes in: when you demand something in return for the love you give. You are actually setting yourself up for disappointment because love cannot always be reciprocal. Love between two people can never be of the same intensity at the same time and place. No matter how much your partner loves you, she will never be able to fill all your needs all the time. And you are worst off if you believe you should love only when you are sure to receive equal love in return. Sad to say, you will be waiting in misery forever.
Love now.
The past is gone and the future is just a dream. All of yesterday's aches and pains, even the joys and laughter, are mere memories. Let them go. And your fantasies and worries? They may never come. So why dwell on them? Live now. Give love now. Do it now and enjoy the moment. That is the secret of inner contentment.
Throw away those destructive habits.
When you insist upon yourself that you always have to be in control, that you always have to be right, that others must always please you, you mold unreasonable expectations of yourself and the ones you love. Loving relationships are flexible, dynamic, and evolving. Give room for change and interaction. Allow for new behavior and learning experiences. When we welcome these into our lives, we open ourselves up to love and affection rather than anger and frustration.
Yes, you will say that unconditional love is easier said than done. Especially when we have always believed that love is give and take. Try believing that love is simply giving. They say “Give until it hurts”. Let’s say “Love until it hurts no more”.
Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
Sadeegy, of course I've read it,too. However, I think that it's an ideal version of love.Even if I would love it to be true for everybody. Some ppl are on the way to achieve it. Even if some of us are able to give unconditional love there are many people who use it.Why? Because they have never ever experienced it. Then we should protect ourselves and give it but keep in mind that for some ppl it means usage. It works when 2 ppl without harm or with open mind, etc.( many factors) meet each other.
I'm happy u're talking about it. We have to remaind over and over again. I'm going to continue this thought and write sth about it here, ok?
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
Why do I call it ideal? We are born in the world that has many problems. Yesterday I was at the course. U know that my father is ill so I have to leave it with my great regret. Anyway, it was unbelievable to hear what he said. All what we heard , felt during our lifetime - is supported by law. He is a former policeman and he helped ppl who’re abused. He burnt himself out 3 times in his job. Every time he wanted to help a woman he was accused of being her lover. Now he is retired and passes his experiences and works in the association. I’m a teacher, so it is very important for me to know how far I can go with my pupils. There is the Countering of Abuse Act in my country. Anyway, all what he said is obvious. Any notification we send to police IS NOT TREATED AS accusation. A lawyer, police, judge is responsible to search for evidence. So if somebody tells u: “I’ll sue u, it’s rubbish. U have just informed. He instructed us how to read the child’s picture:
PS Maybe this is not what u expected now from me, but if we give a second look we can discover there is something in common. Will be continued……….
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
The only people in my mind who deserve unconditional love are our parents and our children!!!
Posts: 4238 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Snoozin: Can I disagree with that *parents* part?
Angel, believe me, even if you don't realize yet, you *do* love your mom, as i do love mine, despite the fact that she made my entire life a living hell....
"Love until it hurts no more..."
Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
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I would never let my mother suffer, and I'll always take care of her....but I just don't *feel* it. Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
You've burried your feelings very deep your entire life... love and pain together. Usually, despite the fact that you are a kind person, you hide yourself inside, because you are affraid you can be hurt again... aren't you? If you will search deep inside, thru all the old mud and sorrow, thru all the bad memories, you will find those feelings you are longing for... You take care of her because you think this is your responsability, it's not necessarily love...
If one day you will see her crying, for no matter what reason, will you feel the need to dry her tears? That, my dear Susan, is love...
Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
You must not say "if i become a mother", but "when i become a mother"... And if your emotional scars are so deep, you won't do the same mistakes oftenly...
Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Sadeeqy: And if your emotional scars are so deep, you won't do the same mistakes oftenly...
Or you'll make new ones without being able to indentify them you so clouded over with resentment.
Sometimes when I am discussing how I don't appreciate the lack of discipline my daughter is being raised with (like I am one to complain, I'm not even there, maybe not by choice, but I am still not there) and my mother comes off and says that when I do manage to relocate there I can't go full kilter and make big changes over night.
Like I hadn't thought of that.
What helped me so much is the few times my mother apologized for the havoc and hell she caused in my childhood. She was incredibly drunk, and also estranged from her boyfriend. But she still apologized.
When your betrayer admits to their mistakes and admits they caused harm to you its better than watching them burn to death.
But I wonder, what is the going rate for psychologists in Cairo. I'll definately have to get back onto the couch to deal with the years spent apart from my daughter, the bad marriage I am in and how to deal with the culture shock.
No therapist I have sat down with could handle the issues I have now. I need a therapist that isn't Muslim and has lived in Egypt, knowing full well what I have dealt with and what I will deal with.
I might be the only honest, determined to be with her for life factor in her life. I have been through hell. And I want to make sure that she doesn't experience anything I went through.
Unconditional love isn't always by blood, but it definately helps to be related.
And unconditional love isn't automatic, its intentional. You chose to give unconditional love.
Posts: 5744 | From: Minneapolis, Mn USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Sadeeqy: You must not say "if i become a mother", but "when i become a mother"... And if your emotional scars are so deep, you won't do the same mistakes oftenly...
When I am a papa, I swear I will make them all boys in the first place then I will make them realise the dream I could not make come true, I will make them all become professional boxers and one of them will be flower seller Posts: 3903 | From: The Moon | Registered: Feb 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Corvinous: When I am a papa, I swear I will make them all boys in the first place then I will make them realise the dream I could not make come true, I will make them all become professional boxers and one of them will be flower seller
and what if you get daughters? oh what a shock that would be! Posts: 457 | From: Any Questions? | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
U're a very good person, Snoozin. It just takes time to wake up one day and say: "I'm free from my mother, father etc.There is a clear border between me and them.Me and her are 2 different things.I create my own reality. They're just human beings and make mistakes...
I understand u very well because 15 years ago there was an accident in my family. I was so blocked for many years, couldn't forgive, was angry that it happened to us. One day, my colleagues gave me a ticket for concert. I went there. It was about: "God loves u". When I saw where I'm, I left the concert hall immediatelly. I was crying all the way home. I couldn't cope with it. What are they talking about? Now I can. Very often people who experienced tragedy, had not easy childhood etc. help others to solve their problems.U're doing it now.U have great knowledge and u know how to use it. So don't tell me u'r not good, ok? U have just bad experience behind u. That's all. It was not ur fault. Mine too. Now u are building ur life again - on ur conditions- and this is the most important. Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
Truism: All human beings experienced sth wrong and use different startegies to cope with it. Some hide it deeply and became strong ones- there is no place for showing my feelings..."Poor girl, poor man,can't u cope with it".- they say. The winners.
Some of us hand down agression, bad patterns from one generation to another and believe that it must be like that.The world is built like that! Others make themselves guilty for no reason. The victim picture. Others face the problem, "digest" it, which can take years and later create own life.
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Snoozin: I'm not a good enough person to want to do that.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."
Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
I hope someday to be as mature and wise as you are, Sadeeqy. Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Snoozin: I hope someday to be as mature and wise as you are, Sadeeqy.
Believe me, Snoozin, i would prefered to be childish and silly, instead of being so hurt in my entire life...
Yes, i gained maturity and maybe wisdom, but the price that i've payed wasn't worth it... Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Snoozin: Ah! What to do! I hope if I become a mother, I don't do what my mother did to cause these rifts!
I used to think the same but not any more. I'm sure I'd be far from being a perfect mother but at least I'm always willing to reflect and work on myself and – very important – to communicate. I think as long as you keep those channels open nothing major can go wrong.
Posts: 2334 | Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
A trade hall in my country colapsed.63 ppl are killed. National mourning. If we talk about unconditional love. A grandma took off all her clothes to protect her grandson. They found both of them death from cold. They found her in a bra. We're just crying. People have no tears. Some of them lost 5 members of their family.Suddenly. The architect wanted to make suicide. He slashed his wrists. His wife rescued him. It was not his fault. The stupidity was. They could have cleaned the roof from snow.
posted
There is one problem, the owner of the hall is an Iraqi man who lives in England. As u perhaps know, there is only few Polish who own business in my country.
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
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Dalia,recent topics in my country: is the government corrupted ot not? They would like to make God guilty for that. But He/She is not. We're now wondering what to do to avoid it. I hope it will change sth.
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
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You know I belive to give as much love as you can. When you leave this earth no money, no career will be any benefit of you. Only the love you gave, To God, family and friends.
You know, those who were in peace within themselves, were the ppl, who had no fear of giving love to ppl around them, the ability to give and not wait to receive. Cause they know their reward is not of this earth.
You know what keeps me always going on is a saying of Jesus (as), it goes something like this "when the world turns it back on you, do not be surprised cause it turned its back on me first".
I find it very important to show the ppl around me that i love and care about them. And always question myself, am I giving enough? I dont seek to receive, cause God has blessed me with a beating heart, a working mind and lounges full with air.
yeah i sound like mother teresa hehe i should stop before somebody starts to light some candles and some soft music in the background
Mooneal, I am so sorry to hear about the accident. May God have mercy on their souls. and give the love ones who are left on this earth patience and comfort.
Posts: 2519 | Registered: Apr 2005
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Do u know Snoozin, here, when I tried to share with u my experience I felt as a person who talks in Chinese? I needed ur answer and I understand why u didn't spoke to me...
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerman: NO FORGIVENESS for CHEATERS !
Cheating is unforgivable... when you do that to your partner, you're burning all the bridges behind you, loosing in the same time the ability to built another ones in front of you... Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
Everyone has different levels of tolerance. Some people consider cheating "thinking about someone else" and some people feel that action must take place.
However, unconditional love requires you to help your partner and love him/her no matter what. As I said not everyone is willing do it, and not everyone can do it.
It feels great when someone loves you unconditionally. Yet it's harder to give then to take. I do know one woman who told me once, she loves a man just for the sake of loving him and I was quite intrigued by her "idea" of love.
You probably remember people asking you: Would you rather love or be loved?
Hard question. Don't you think? Posts: 989 | Registered: Aug 2004
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You make me sad, you make me strong You make me mad, you make me long... for you You make me live, you make me die You make me laugh, you make me cry... for you
I hate you, then I love you Then I love you, then I hate you Then I love you more, for whatever you do I never want to be in love with anyone but you
You treat me wrong, you treat me right You let me be, you make me fight... with you You make me high, you bring me down You set me free, you hold me bound... to you
I'd like to run away from you But if I were to leave you I would die I'd like to break the chains you put around me And yet I'll never try...
No matter what you do you drive me crazy I'd rather be alone But then I know my life would be so empty As soon as you were gone....
Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
Sadeeqy... Oh yeah she is great! I think that the only way you can find your good match is if you:
1) know exactly what are you looking for in a person and you don't settle for anything less than what you need. ( I am speaking in general for all of us ). 2) do your best on your behalf to make it work ( assuming you will pick the right person who will also do his/her best on their behalf to make it work )
Posts: 989 | Registered: Aug 2004
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