quote:

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Originally posted by Samia:
If you've got an Egyptian husband, why are you looking for another male???

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Originally posted by Debbie:
I was thinking the same thing. This ought to go over well with the Egyptian husband. Maybe she is not the husbands only wife though and she thinks it's payback time. Who knows?

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Originally posted by sin-dee:

Why not try to meet other females that you may connect better with? Maybe other American women. I know here in America we woman can have male friends even if we are married but I think being in Egypt the case is different. What does your husband think of this? Does he mind?
Anyway, good luck in making the friends you want...

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Originally posted by Lefleur:

Well no i haven't told my husband and nor do I plan to. I need to make friends outside of his family in order to maintain my sanity. I met my husband at University in the States and he is very open-minded,but I am not a damn fool.
Some things are best kept a secret.

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Originally posted by sin-dee:

Thats why I suggested maybe meeting other American women there. Unless Darkeyes is right and you are really looking for more than just "friends". And I certainly didn't call you a fool but I believe if any relationship is going well there should not be any need to keep anything "secret."
Still good luck in making friends....

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Well Darkeyes is on to something...
But I am not looking to have an affair. I simply want to meet an interesting male friend to help me settle into Egypt better. Now whatever happens after that,just happens. But I am not seeking to create anything that doesn't happen naturally between us.

quote:

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Originally posted by Lefleur:
Now whatever happens after that,just happens. But I am not seeking to create anything that doesn't happen naturally between us.

[/B]

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Being around women all day especially women who probably don't like Americans, and on top of that are probably very competitive (I know this is a stretch and women all over are like this, not just Misr)

I have worked either clerical positions or medical records for the last 6 years. I chose IT as my college focus so in the future I don't work with as many women. Women in one place that dominate 80/20 are really hell. During my pregancy I would look to the golf course across the street after spending the entire day at work at the hospital. No wonder doctors go hide in the oasis of a golf course, very few women.

For women of a certain type, that are not competitive, overemotional, back bitting, enjoy the company of males for this reason life with the in-laws in Misr can be grueling.

I don't blame Lefleur at all. I can't stand a hen house.

Yet if anything Lefleur, the westerners of Misr probably feel alot of that same devastation. Western females in Misr not attached to a boy their son's age probably don't enjoy a hen house either. Look for them. Better yet look a western butch, if you enjoy the company of Lesbians. NOT FOR SEX, but lesbians have a tendancy to be more level headed and not as intrusive.

I am so glad that my father-in-law picked up my in-ability to compete and cluck with the hens. Thats why he went out and bought a flat in Alex, knowing that a catatonic state would eventually emerge if I spent all day int the hen house. Too much estrogen can be brain cell killing.

I don't blame Lefleur at all for her feelings.

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Originally posted by Samia:
Hmmmm!! This say it all!!!

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After being raked through the coals by my sister-in-law and a few of her friends. Then going home to find my husband defending them. I wanted to go butch. I mean I really hated men and girly girls.

What is so weird is the fact that my husband took their side just to avoid having an agruement with a women proven to win every single one she had entered or started. I wanted to get even with him. So I didn't talk to him (rarely) for 2 months. Then my mother-in-law reviewed what had happened and gave everyone hell. I think they understand me.

But after dealing with the hen-house I actually resented my husband and marrying him. I started thinking of what life would be like without him.

Possibly Lefleur is depressed. She doesn't want to fight the hens for their eggs, when she doesn't lay them herself. Possibly she doesn't want to deal with these feelings of isolation and checking out the roosters next door is a way of escaping.

Sometimes in order to avoid looking at the issue that is disabling us, we fixate on another issue. Just making it worse, but it unclutters our minds for a while.

It can be a fork in the road, on spok madness, the other acceptance and a diffusion of the dilema.

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Originally posted by nooralhaq:
I do blame her. You want to keep secrets from your husband? Hummm that's the first step.
The true question is this, 'what would you do if your husband wanted to meet a girl online to chat about Egypt (yeah right) and wanted to keep it a secret from you?'.
You must know, men will have sex with anything, anywhere and at anytime, just if they are tempted a little. You think the man wanting to meet you to chat about Egypt really cares about the conversation? No. They can get the conversation anywhere, but with you they get the possibility of sex.

Shame on you, this is not America.....but the rules still apply.

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Okay Nooralhaq, could this needingness to get around be a secondary feeling for something deeper? If she was going to do it, she would've gone out and done it already. Since she came here first to air her feelings she isn't ready, something is keeping her from it. Conflict. Naturally she knew she was going to be cruxified, so maybe she wanted some negative feedback as reassurance not to.

But also since she is in a different quandry than most could find ourselves in she knew taking a beating on ES could possibly clear her heart. Besides some of the negative and unbelievably distorted comments I have recieved here has reassured me that I am not off my goard.

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Originally posted by Darkeyes:
I think from the "tone" of her "post", she'll not looking for a "friend" but rather a "special friend" so they can go in her car to her country hideaway. If I'm wrong, I do apologize.

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I got the exact same impression.

How did you figure that Egyptians have those two topics of conversation?

What kind of topics would you have to talk about? Enlighten us please.

All Egyptians were awaiting someone like you to show them the path. The right path of course.

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Originally posted by Ayisha:
interesting sonomod, if she was British would you be so quick to defend a western woman married to an egyptian man wanting MORE egyptian men for 'friendship'??

NO, if she was british she would be attacked of course

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No actually what I have noticed is whenever an Egyptian man is willing to draw outside the lines, yous basically blame the Egyptian wife and encourage the jackass to cheat.

As with any man, yous give him the go ahead, "do what makes you happy".

I feel that some of yous are stuck back in the 1950's and enjoy the double standard.

Actually I have had some choice words for men, but yous attacked me for critizing 'what comes natural to men'.

No Ayisha I just don't like you and your motives in Egypt. Having children the same age as your husband really creeps me out.

Now what you do pick up on is my opinion that British women are more likely to be co-wives to men half their age and then patronize the culture, critize Islam or Egypt for not being as civilized to your liking.

Kinda like you are doing them a favor by sharing your husband's lifetime hard earned dollars, but only if your demands are met.

Kinda like the Suez Canal.

American women are more likely to marry an Egyptian closer to their age and will be prepared to respect the culture. But of course we are a melting pot.

[This message has been edited by sonomod (edited 20 February 2005).]

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Originally posted by Lefleur:
Well Darkeyes is on to something...
But I am not looking to have an affair. I simply want to meet an interesting male friend to help me settle into Egypt better. Now whatever happens after that,just happens. But I am not seeking to create anything that doesn't happen naturally between us.

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You are married to an Egyptian and want to settle better in Egypt and you think having a secret relationship with another man will help you do this!!!!!!

I don't think you are living in the same Egypt I do if you think this is going to help you settle better. It is far more likely to have you leaving on the next plane after he finds out.

quote:

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Originally posted by sonomod:

American women are more likely to marry an Egyptian closer to their age and will be prepared to respect the culture. But of course we are a melting pot.

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quote:

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Originally posted by sonomod:

No actually what I have noticed is whenever an Egyptian man is willing to draw outside the lines, yous basically blame the Egyptian wife and encourage the jackass to cheat.

As with any man, yous give him the go ahead, "do what makes you happy".

I feel that some of yous are stuck back in the 1950's and enjoy the double standard.

Actually I have had some choice words for men, but yous attacked me for critizing 'what comes natural to men'.

No Ayisha I just don't like you and your motives in Egypt. Having children the same age as your husband really creeps me out.

Now what you do pick up on is my opinion that British women are more likely to be co-wives to men half their age and then patronize the culture, critize Islam or Egypt for not being as civilized to your liking.

Kinda like you are doing them a favor by sharing your husband's lifetime hard earned dollars, but only if your demands are met.

Kinda like the Suez Canal.

American women are more likely to marry an Egyptian closer to their age and will be prepared to respect the culture. But of course we are a melting pot.

[This message has been edited by sonomod (edited 20 February 2005).]

[This message has been edited by sonomod (edited 20 February 2005).]

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1 i have never encouraged anyone to cheat and never blamed any egyptian wife for why their husbands want to cheat

2 I have never said about egyptian men' do what makes you happy' If a man has a wife then thats who he should be with

3 I am not a co-wife, i am not bringing my husband here to UK i am moving there to Egypt. I dont have any double standards and dont go looking for the english way of life in egypt, its egypt and i love the egyptian way of life.

4 i have never patronized the culture or criticized islam, I AM MUSLIM, and egypt is certainly more civilized than usa or uk as far as i am concerned so nothing wrong there.

5 my motives for coming to egypt?? do you think you know them?? I have wanted to see egypt all my life, it was the one place i wanted to see before i die, and i did. and i fell in love with egypt. I was coming to egypt FOR egypt before i met my husband.

6 i make no demands on my husband at all, i dont take his hard earned egy pounds, he needs that to help his own family (mum sisters and brothers) and i certainly do not begrudge them that!

7 my husband and i work together as a team for the goals we have together, he doesnt want to come to uk and i am happy to move to egypt as i was anyway before we met.

sonomod, your husband may be closer to your age than mine is to my age, but you are the one that calls HIM names, criticizes HIS country and HIS religion and feel YOU are saving HIM from the terrible country he is from.

quote:

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Originally posted by moll:
Ayisha, just a thought.....do you think I should point out that in English, there's no such word as 'yous'?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Penny:
Just a comment... it does seem from what we see from on ES most American women married to Egyptian men apply for the VISA and live with their husbands in the US. I am sure like most of us they respect the culture but carrying on living your life western style makes that very easy to do.

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Thats because they are legitimate marriages. These women are legally married in both countries, and their entire family and friends now about this. There is plenty of peer pressure, and most families in the west don't want to be related to an 'Osama Bin Ladin'. No offense, I don't feel that way but many do right now.

By the way Penny does all of your family, neighbors, friends, co-workers, and so forth know you are married to an Egyptian? Are you asked constantly about private details, are you questioned on whether or not he's in Quatamino Bay, died as a terrorist in 9/11, well I could go on, but my feeling is very few of your community know about this marriage. Hence no socail stain or cultural friction at home. I think even you can possibly understand. So does everyone know in your life?

When the marriage petition hasn't come through many American ladies on this board have gone to live with their husband in Egypt, even decades before their retirement. Meaning forget financial security marriage is more important.

Yet what I have described are more often American women in bi-cultural marriages.

And just because you live in the west doesn't mean you can carry on life as usual. Doesn't mean your husband drops his beliefs and culture at the port of entry. No, actually from what I hear of Muslims who have lived in both England and USA, USA is a far more accepting environment. Muslims don't feel the need not to expand their comfort levels. Yet apart from you have a right to practice your beliefs, Muslims still are considered to have splinter groups of terrorists in waiting, the suspicion lies in who are these splinter groups, not Islam is the enemy.

I spent a good 18 months adjusting to my husband culture, I felt it was alot easier to pick up on and understand when I am surrounded by it in Egypt. This is extremely difficult then to be under society's microscope.

Like I said it's easier if you spend 6 weeks a year as man and wife, than to be a husband and wife 52 weeks a year.

I don't see American wives on this board planning to make their marriages a 6 week a year commitment. Most make it a year round commitment.

And in my opinion thats where the difference lies.

Hell I wouldn't been so damn critical of my husband in my posts last March if what you are suggesting was the case. Remind you there are 16,000 Somali Muslims alone in this city. Plus another 8,000 other Muslims in an area of 350,000. Out of 20,000 students 4,000 are Somali and several hundred more of my fellow students are Muslim. I am expected to be a wife of a Muslim, a wife of an Egyptian 365 days a year.

As for the 'legal marriage' I AM LEGALLY MARRIED

Here you go ladies now. Which of yous has a problem with Egyptians?

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Originally posted by Ayisha:
for the last time sodomod I HAVE ONE HUSBAND. HE LIVES IN EGYPT. HE IS EGYPTIAN .I DO NOT HAVE ANOTHER HUSBAND IN ANY OTHER PART OF THE PLANET. HE DOES NOT HAVE AN EGYPTIAN WIFE OR ANOTHER FOREIGN WIFE ANYWHERE ON THIS PLANET. WE ARE MARRIED ALL YEAR ROUND AND I HAVE SPENT MORE TIME IN EGYPT THAN UK IN THE LAST 6 MONTHS AND WILL BE BACK THERE AGAIN NEXT WEEK. now considering i have only been married 4 months i have spent a lot of time with him and coming back here to sort out things before i move.

As for the 'legal marriage' I AM LEGALLY MARRIED

to make a point, being a mother is also a 24/7/365 job. think on that one

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Yup easy for a housewife with no demands from the INS to say.

Low blow. But what can I expect from a housewife.

and since you marriage is so young and you haven't had time yet to see what life is like in Cairo I will wait. I think when it does end you won't post the details. You'll just go home with your tail between your legs.

And by the way, does he even understand English? Can yous communicate? Or does he just drop his pants and you drop your wallet?

quote:

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Originally posted by Ayisha:
sonomod, your husband may be closer to your age than mine is to my age, but you are the one that calls HIM names, criticizes HIS country and HIS religion and feel YOU are saving HIM from the terrible country he is from.

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'Ball and Chain' is a common expression here in the USA. But of course our expressions are always twisted because its not our language to twist is it? Yup if we were still a colony English MP would throw people into lock up for mis-using the language.

Secondly I don't have much to critize besides how trash is collected and these damn cockroaches. I do find the gender dynamics difficult to master and I have critized that in the past.

Yet it is different if you are going to egypt to get a boy half your age to shake your bedposts. I have a child with my husband, and to critize his country is to critize her. And I won't do that.

As usual your agruements are weak, too immersed in MYOPIA to clear the evacuating estrogen fog to notice.

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Originally posted by sonomod:
Yup easy for a housewife with no demands from the INS to say.

Low blow. But what can I expect from a housewife.

and since you marriage is so young and you haven't had time yet to see what life is like in Cairo I will wait. I think when it does end you won't post the details. You'll just go home with your tail between your legs.

And by the way, does he even understand English? Can yous communicate? Or does he just drop his pants and you drop your wallet?

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ok i am NOT a housewife, i have a very good job (ok boss i hate and he drives me mad but....)i am an accountant, although a lowly underpaid one of course but i pay plenty of taxes

low blow?? YOU telling ME i gave a low blow? read some of your own posts

life in cairo is fantastic..... for a few days, thats why i chose to live in Luxor with my husband and its a long way to travel everyday I will post about things when i have moved there just for you sodomod and i wont be running back with my tail between my legs as i was moving to egypt anyway, remember? not JUST for hubby, thats a bonus and if it does NOT work out (which any relationship has a chance NOT to)i will still be staying in Luxor as thats going to be home

yes he does understand English so 'wes' gets on fine ta muchly

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Originally posted by sonomod:

[b]By the way Penny does all of your family, neighbors, friends, co-workers, and so forth know you are married to an Egyptian? Are you asked constantly about private details, are you questioned on whether or not he's in Quatamino Bay, died as a terrorist in 9/11, well I could go on, but my feeling is very few of your community know about this marriage. Hence no socail stain or cultural friction at home. I think even you can possibly understand. So does everyone know in your life?

[/B]

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S what a stupid question, do you think I could run my life as I do without a great deal of support. Of course all my family, friends and colleages know and many have been out and spent time with us.

You have got some sort of steriotypical senario stuck in that strange mind of yours and want to stuff everyone in that pigeon hole and tell them their lives are not good. Just because we do not all want to live on the breadline and choose to make the best use of our talents does not make us lesser people.

Not all Egyptian men that marry forigners want VISAS to run of to the West to live with their wives and become emasculted in a totally different society. Marriage is about compromise and meeting each others needs, there is no set formula that works for everyone, we all have to find our own way and that is for each couple to decide in just the same way you have decided leaving your daughter with you inlaws in Egypt is best for you. For many others that would not be acceptable...but it is YOUR decision.

Like Ayisha I spend a dam site more than 6 weeks with my husband a year and dream of the day ( not that far off) when we are in a position to make it 100% together...just like you must dream of the day when you will be with your daughter 100%. We all have to sort out our priorities and I for sure know I have got mine right. ( And I am not talking finances I am talking family)

quote:

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Originally posted by Ayisha:
interesting sonomod, if she was British would you be so quick to defend a western woman married to an egyptian man wanting MORE egyptian men for 'friendship'??

NO, if she was british she would be attacked of course

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Originally posted by moll:
Ayisha, just a thought.....do you think I should point out that in English, there's no such word as 'yous'?

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"the singular and plural pronoun 'you' is the same. There is no need to decide whether to use a polite form, or an intimate form, when speaking to someone as in French or German. (English used to have the singular form 'thou', which was often used in the intimate way like 'tu' or 'du'. In fact, in dialects in parts of England, this is still sometimes used. And in the Republic of Ireland, they have a very sensible plural form of 'you', when speaking to several people: 'yous'.)"

http://www.soon.org.uk/page24.htm

quote:

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Originally posted by ExptniCAl:
And if she was a homesexual man you would've been talking about Tolerance.

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quote:

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Originally posted by ExptniCAl:
"the singular and plural pronoun 'you' is the same. There is no need to decide whether to use a polite form, or an intimate form, when speaking to someone as in French or German. (English used to have the singular form 'thou', which was often used in the intimate way like 'tu' or 'du'. In fact, in dialects in parts of England, this is still sometimes used. And in the Republic of Ireland, they have a very sensible plural form of 'you', when speaking to several people: 'yous'.)"

http://www.soon.org.uk/page24.htm

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She is probably so bored now, she is not even reading this anymore.

Just to say something very simple here. She is an American that wants to meet some male even though she is married. Well, Egyptians do that too. There is so much corruption in this country, it's not even funny.

I tell you one thing. Living in Egypt is not a joy ride. This is from my personal experience. Myself i can't live in Egypt and will go back soon. If i would to marry a girl here i would end up taking her back with me. Living in Egypt and dealing with all the corruption and the mentality of people here just drive you crazy. I think you had to live outside of Egypt to understand what i mean. Simply think outside the box!

There is so much contradiction in this country that would drive you insane. The situation that she is facing is one of the worst. Getting in between a mother and a sister of a husband is a disaster! And most ladies that are married know that for sure.

Now, she didn¡¯t ask for opinions on that matter, but rather she asked for a male to meet with her to discuss Egypt.
That won¡¯t be me, but am sure there are tons of Egyptians that would love to meet with her.

Good luck.

lefleur, sorry for your post being hi-jacked

my bit on the actual subject if i may

I have a lot of Egyptian friends, male and female and most, if not all, are people i have met through the internet (didnt meet hubby through internet before i get pounced for that) I have been to cairo and met lots of them who have all been wonderful, helpful and concerned for my safety. I have been taken to the most wonderful mosques and various other places by these friends and met their families and friends. My husband is well aware and is fine with the male friends i have met before him, as he says if i wanted them i had the chance and didnt. However, i know without even asking what he would think about me advertising for a male friend now we are married, and i would not dream of wanting to.

quote:

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Originally posted by Alexandria_from_the_top:
The hens are fighting!
The main subject that this post was started with, ended up to be a huge hen fight. I think we shouldn't judge one another. This forum is just to chat and share thoughts, not to fight and prove one's point!

She is probably so bored now, she is not even reading this anymore.

Just to say something very simple here. She is an American that wants to meet some male even though she is married. Well, Egyptians do that too. There is so much corruption in this country, it's not even funny.

I tell you one thing. Living in Egypt is not a joy ride. This is from my personal experience. Myself i can't live in Egypt and will go back soon. If i would to marry a girl here i would end up taking her back with me. Living in Egypt and dealing with all the corruption and the mentality of people here just drive you crazy. I think you had to live outside of Egypt to understand what i mean. Simply think outside the box!

There is so much contradiction in this country that would drive you insane. The situation that she is facing is one of the worst. Getting in between a mother and a sister of a husband is a disaster! And most ladies that are married know that for sure.

Now, she didn¡¯t ask for opinions on that matter, but rather she asked for a male to meet with her to discuss Egypt.
That won¡¯t be me, but am sure there are tons of Egyptians that would love to meet with her.

Good luck.

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Bravo Alexandria_from the top
I agree with every word u said.. people are just criticizing all the time..nobody wants to look after his mistakes and correct them...you know what: i think it is a protective mechanism, it makes u feel like I am honest and wise..follow me..let the american lady makes what she wants...she will discover herself if she was right

Thats just the whole point I was making !!

Couldnt you have asked me where I got my wings or something ?

What she does is throw the wildest unfounded accusations she can at a member (typically females) and crossing her fingers, hopes that member takes the bait and in defending herself reveals REAL info about her life.

She then takes the info you reveal about yourself in trying to set her wild accusations straight... and really get vile and insulting with you.

Please people. It's such a transparent trick she plays over and over and over.